Overwhelmed

Well, if you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know that I don't usually drop off the face of the blogging world unless something is up.  And something is up...not just one thing, but life in general.  I feel so overwhelmed lately, and the more overwhelmed I feel, the less productive I am. Know how that is?  It drives me crazy because part of the reason I feel overwhelmed is because I have so much to do, so by being super unproductive, it only magnifies the feelings of being overwhelmed.  It's a vicious cycle. One that I've been caught in for awhile now and it just seems to go round and round.

Here's a sampling of what is currently my time, thoughts, and/or energy:

-the house hunt.  Ugh.  We've walked through 20 or so homes, and I don't feel like we're any closer to finding our home than before we started looking.  Some days I want to just forget about looking and hope the perfect house is just dropped in our lap.  Ha, ha.  If only it could be that easy.  DH wants to find a home sooner rather than later, and I've discovered I'm extremely picky and not willing to settle for a lesser home.  Time is on our side, and I still feel like patience will pay off in the end.  Still...part of me wants to stop checking my email and looking at all the listings each day.  And then all of a sudden 6 new homes come on the market that fit some or most of our criteria and I can't resist setting up a time with our realtor to see them all. (That happened to me this week and we're going out to look at all 6 tomorrow).

-the SIL.  DH and I spent one night this week filling out an online reporting form for CPS.  It's a long story and he's been in touch with CPS years before about her.  She's the SIL with 3 kids, living with the loser boyfriend, etc.  She's drinking again and possibly doing drugs (while breastfeeding, of course) and DH's family, who sees it all because they live close by, refuse to do anything over fear they won't get to see the kids.  Ugh.  So frustrating.

-the runs.  R has had a case of the runs for 12 days now.  Fun, huh?  Everything else about her seems ok (mood, hydration, appetite), so I haven't been too worried, but changing all those stinky diapers has been hard (see next point below).  I did call her new Dr to talk about the situation this week and see if I should bring her in. Based on her response, I already feel good about switching R's files over.  The Dr. said to try giving R probiotics (I'd been taking some but not her).  We just started that this week, but it seems to be helping some....maybe.  She's also been fiercely teething for awhile now (the top 2 big teeth are slowly, slowly coming in) and is drooling like crazy, which I read can serve as a laxative.  If improvement is not certain by Monday, we're off to the Dr. though.

-diaper changes.  I cannot change my own baby's diaper.  Yeah, sounds funny, huh?  Around the time all these extra diaper changes started (see above point), R started really upping her changing pad acrobatic moves.  Now whenever and wherever I lay her down, she's instantly trying to roll over and crawl away.  No amount or variety of toys will keep her attention laying on her back, so it becomes an all out wrestling match to change a diaper.  She ends up crying as I force her to stay laying down and I almost end up crying because she is.  I'm praying this is all temporary because I don't like creating such a negative environment over something that takes place so many times a day, but she needs to have her diaper changed.  I try to make it fun and do as much as I can to get everything ready before laying her down, but it still results in wrestling.  Ugh.  So stressful.  The only thing I haven't tried is changing her in a reclined position.  I'm very open to other ideas and suggestions!

-my weight.  I still have 20 pounds to lose from the pregnancy, and my weight hasn't been budging for months.  I've recently starting walking 3x a week and eating at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables along with writing down everything I eat during the day.  But other than that, I can't seem to find time or motivation for more, and it seems like it's going to take more than what I'm doing.  Last summer I had the excuse of all my clothes not fitting because I had just given birth, but this summer, I don't really have an excuse, do I?  I'm too cheap to buy new clothes, so I just end up wearing the same few shirts and pants over and over again, which reminds me of the extra weight I'm carrying around.  And my brother is getting married this summer and I need to be able to fit into my bridesmaid dress.  Time is definitely ticking in my mind.

-overnight wakings.  We have yet to achieve the "my baby sleeps through the night" stage yet.  Typically, R goes down for the night between 7-7:30.  She wakes around 10:30-11 to eat and then again around 3.  She's up in the morning by 7:30.  Before all the diarrhea business started, I was thinking I'd try and see if we could drop the 3am feeding, but I haven't been wanting to try yet until her digestive issues are resolved.  Both times she wakes up, she chows down and then is back asleep before I'm even settled back in my bed.  I truly believe she is hungry, but all of these night wakings are hard for me.  I try to bulk her up on food during the day, but that hasn't changed overnight yet.  I said I'd stick it out until a year when we meet with her new doctor for her 12 month appt, but that's still 7 weeks away, I think (only 7 weeks!  ahhh....she's growing so quickly).

-extra things.  And then there are all the extra things I need to do like taxes, paperwork for mortgage lenders, claim forms for the moving company, unpacking boxes and repacking boxes, our yearly review with our financial advisor, etc.

-daily things. And then there are all the day to day things like dishes and keeping the house somewhat picked up.  Cleaning...eh.  That hasn't been happening as much as I would like.  How do you moms stay on top of the house cleaning?

So that's sort of where I'm at.  I seriously need to work on some time management around here, but I always say I'll do that another day.  Sorry this post is depressing.  Please don't take it as complaining.  I'm just stating where I'm currently at and how it all contributes to my absence in the blog world.  And now that I've written everything out, I can see why I've been feeling so overwhelmed for so long.  I almost debated about not posting this because it was just so therapeutic to write everything out...almost like I gave myself the chance to acknowledge everything that's on my plate.  But I decided to post it anyways because my blog is a record of my life- sort of like my online diary recording the ups and downs of this journey called life.

Quick Takes (33)

--- 1 ---

Lent 2013: I gave up sweet treats (desserts and snacks) for Lent and added reading a book on prayer by Henri Nouwen ("The Only Necessary Thing: Leading A Prayerful Life").  I always like to do both...give up something that will be a sacrifice but also add something that will deepen my spiritual walk.  Ever since before R was born, I've had a hard time with my eating habits and eating according to my emotions and not necessarily hunger.  It's gotten really bad lately since I'm home all day and around food all day.  I still have 20ish pounds to lose since pre-pregnancy.  And all the extra weight, along with clothes that don't fit well, really depresses me and just adds to the emotional funk I can get myself into at times.  Giving up sweets has already been really hard.  I just think about everything I can't eat, so I'm trying to focus on prayer and self-control.

--- 2 ---

Memory verses: I've been such a blog slacker I haven't posted my verses for Feb. 1st and 15th.  The one I memorized the first two weeks of the month was Psalm 90:14.  I loved waking up in the morning and reciting those words at the beginning of my day.  The one I'm working on now is 2 Timothy 1:7.  I chose that one at the start of Lent and for the self-discipline part (I'm still working on memorizing that verse and practicing self-discipline!) Note: I didn't link to the verses and type them out because I want you to check them out in your Bible.  I'm so mean, huh?

--- 3 ---

Our rental house is falling apart!  First it was the animal in the attic, then the dripping ceiling, the garage door broke, and now today the key didn't connect with the deadbolt in the main door to lock or unlock it!  My DH is so ready to find a house to buy and move.  I'm trying to be grateful that we have a place to live 1 mile from his work, and still feel like patience will prove beneficial for home buying.  I am getting rather tired of having to call/bug our landlord every time something goes wrong though.

--- 4 ---

We've been here 6 weeks and we've already switched pediatricians.  Ah.  What a disaster.  We had R's 9 month appt. shortly after we arrived in town, so I was a little rushed to find a pediatrician for her, but I did ask around and get recommendations and tried to find someone that would be a little more open to stretching out the vaccines from what the AAP recommends (we're not opposed to vaccines by any means, I just prefer giving her less vaccines at a time).  I thought I had done all my research and was going to be fine with who we found, but I was wrong.  I nearly started crying at the appt and even DH agreed we should find another Dr. for her.  The good news is, I think I have found a really great one.  I found one off of Dr. Sears' website, talked with them to share my concerns, and they seem more than open to delaying vaccines a bit.  One of the doctors even came up with her own vaccine schedule!  I finally got all the paperwork transferred over, so we're good to go for her 12 month appt. or sooner if she needs a sick visit.  Ugh.  So stressful though. 

I'm again reminded of the importance of advocating for your own health and recall back to my pre-CrMs/Napro days where I had doctors tell me nothing was wrong with my health, etc.  What a blessing Creighton and Napro are.  The fight for good healthcare continues with R. 

--- 5 ---

While the rest of the US seems to be frozen in, we seem to be floating away here.  Seriously, we feel as if we moved to Seattle (we didn't) with all the rain we've had since we arrived.  People assure us this is not normal, but I'm not sure about that.  I'm still not sure which I prefer...clouds and rain in the winter or sun and snow.  Hmm....the verdict is still out.

--- 6 ---

Consignment sale season has begun here.  Apparently, it is quite big and all the sales are starting for spring/summer items.  I've only been to one sale, and I definitely had a list of what I needed.  I came away with one item- an activity table for R.  Best timed purchase ever!  We cleaned that puppy up and she immediately crawled over to it, got up in a kneeling position, and began playing away with all the buttons, lights, and sounds.  She thinks she's so big because she can kneel at the table.  And now she's being braver and pulling to a standing position at it.  She's still unsteady and cautious because she has taken a bunch of falls, but she is so proud she can kneel and stand.  It's pretty cute.

--- 7 ---

I've been terrible replying to emails and blog posts lately.   I've been reading blogs and praying for concerns, just not letting too many people know.  And responding back to emails...I've been horrible.  I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have to wait until I have enough time to put together a well thought out response, and then it never happens.  Those of you that have emailed, I'm trying to get back to you...I promise!

PS- forgive the typos.  I'm too lazy and tired to go back and read through the post today.  At least I'm posting, right?

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Happy Heart Day!

Happy Valentine's Day from our little love bug!  (Photo taken last weekend at her 9 month shoot.)

Photo credit: C.H. Photography

5 Weeks In

Today is 5 weeks since I first arrived in our new state with R in tow and DH driving the cross-country trek alone.  That means it's been just about one month in our rental house.  In some ways, it seems and feels as if we've been here longer, but then I look around and see all of the boxes in the garage that are still waiting to be unpacked and remind myself that we have only been here a month and it's ok to still have all those boxes untouched.

We are all settling into the new place fairly well.  I'm actually surprised at how well the adjustment is going.  I still have good days and bad days as far as things that frustrate me here and things that I miss about our old place.  I expect those bad days to continue to creep up for awhile, but overall, I'm happy and content.  I have so much less stress not working and just staying home with R.  However, I am tired all the time and wondering how whacked out my hormones are and if I should start seeing a Napro Dr. here, but that all seems too overwhelming for now.

I've also settled into being alone in the house and neighborhood.  I've learned of which neighbors are home during the day (several!) and feel better about the overall safety of our location.  That doesn't mean, however, that I don't get creeped out when sketchy guys come to the door asking if I want an estimate on cutting down trees.  And I do have my limits- I won't shower if I'm here alone, which means I'm up and ready early before DH goes to work (bonus for getting things done!).  And I have my booby traps set on/near the doors.  I'm really ok being at home now, but it's when I go out and have to come back home alone to the house that I'm still not comfortable with.

I did go to a seminar in our county put on by the police department.  It was geared towards women and safety around town...perfect timing for me, huh?  Some of the info I already knew (be confident walking in a parking lot, have your keys ready, etc.)  But I did learn two new things.  1. The police said you want to make it difficult, noisy, time consuming, and visible to break into your home.  Therefore, keep your outside lights on overnight, illuminate all exterior entryways from dusk until dawn.  The energy saver in me used to keep all lights off overnight.  Plus, my thinking was, why would I want to illuminate a door, so that it would be easier for a thief to break in.  This is not the case, according to the police.  2. Instead of just not answering your door when you're home alone, acknowledge someone is there without opening the door by just saying, "I'm not interested" through the door.  Interesting, huh?  That way the person at the door knows someone is home and won't try to break in thinking the home is vacant.  Plus, you don't have to open the door if you don't feel safe.  Anyways, thought that was interesting and wanted to pass it along.

DH is settling into his new job fairly well and living up to the challenge of meeting so many new people.  He comes home most days for lunch since his work is one mile away.  I think we are all enjoying that new aspect as he's never done that with such regularity before.  He does have night commitments twice a week or more, so it is nice to have him home for a bit over lunch.

I survived a visit from my FIL, MIL, and SIL as they came to check out our new place a week after we arrived.  FIL ended up in the ER Sunday morning as he fainted during church.  It was quite the lively weekend.  Never a dull moment around us, I guess.  Thankfully, he was only dehydrated and checked out fine.  I now know how to get to the closest ER!  Overall though, it was nice to have them here visiting and helping a bit.

My car finally arrived Jan. 21st (we dropped it off to be shipped Jan. 2nd).  So now we just need to find our 2nd car seat base, and we're back to being a 2 car family again.  But we could really almost function with one car given how close we are to DH's work!

We closed on our house and everything went off without a hitch!  We seriously got spoiled selling the house as it was the easiest process for us.  I fully recognize God's hand in all of it because I know that is not the norm when you sell a house.  The final bills are paid and the checks are in the bank from the proceeds and refunds relating to the house.  We are officially done with our 1st home...sniff, sniff.

Our rental home has been quite eventful, on the other hand.  I sort of wish we were officially done with it already.  It started with scratching in the attic above our bed one night.  DH repaired a hole in the attic and in the process of having to go up in the attic, found droppings everywhere.  We're not just talking a few turds here and there....oh, no.  We are talking enough poo to fill a space between two beams and one inch deep, he said!  Gross!  Since the home had been vacant for awhile, it looks as if a cat or small raccoon had taken up residence there.  The homeowners got someone to shovel all of that out (yes, they needed a shovel and bucket!) and added three shingles to the roof that had been chewed away!  We've had them replace a light fixture that stopped working, repair a leak in the attic (water was dripping from the ceiling in R's room during a storm!), replace springs on the garage door, and more.  All in the first 3 weeks!  I think they probably get nervous when they see my number come up on caller ID.  DH has done a few repair things around here as far as tightening/fixing faucets, knobs, and toilets.

It's pretty sad that DH has been up in this attic more in one month than he had been the whole 10 years in our previous home.  Granted, this home is 20 years older than our previous home, but still.  There is no question we are not interested in buying this house (Did I tell you that was an option?).  There is so much updating that would need to be done (we have carpet in all our bathrooms...have you ever tried to vacuum around a toilet...not fun) and we are just not looking for a fixer upper.  The neighborhood is beautiful and established, but the home is not on our house hunting radar.

Speaking of house hunting....we have started the process already (see above comments about attic, DH, etc.)  It's a little earlier than we had anticipated, but things got so bad here one day, DH was just like...let's start looking to move.  I don't care if we're not here the full 6 months we had planned on!)  We've already been pre-approved on a loan and have gone out looking at homes one day with our realtor.  We wanted to get a feel for what is available in our price range (lots of short sales and foreclosures) and what our realtor wanted us to look for in a home purchase.  We stumbled upon an amazing foreclosure that was not on the market yet, and had it not been our first day of looking, we may have seriously considered putting an offer in.  We've driven by that house twice to check it out again. Hmm...it was definitely intriguing (built in 2000, cheap, perfect size house and yard that we're looking for, but would need work done before moving in- new carpets and paint, new appliances and master bath, and it's more of a starter neighborhood than an established one).

I think I've been feeling like God is asking me to be patient....like so many other times and areas in my life (dating, career, marriage, IF, pregnancy, etc.)....and it's still not what I want to do!  I've noticed a lot more homes coming on the market since Feb. 1 (I'm getting new listings via email every day), and feel like our "perfect" home is yet to be seen.  Hopefully we're in our own home by the summer time.  That would be my plan.  We'll see what God's plan is!  More updates on the babe and Lent coming soon.

My New Favorite Recipe

I have lots of updates to share and a few crazy stories as we continue to adjust to this new place.  But everything still seems to overwhelm me, so I'm just going to share my new favorite recipe with you.  We had this recently at the home of someone who invited us over and we just made it again this week.  Here are the instructions she gave me (it had been adapted from one she found at allrecipes.com called "Amazing Pork Tenderloin in Slow Cooker").

Here's what you need:

1 5-lb pork loin (this was not a tenderloin, just the loin.)
2 envelopes of dry onion soup mix (we used Lipton's brand)
1 1/2 cups water
1 1/2 cups red wine
3-5 tablespoons minced garlic (we used fresh garlic)
3-5 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce
fresh ground pepper to taste

Put the pork in a slow cooker and pour the water, wine and soy sauce over it.  Then turn the pork over to coat.  Sprinkle garlic, onion soup mix, and pepper on top. Cook on low for about 8 hours.  Serve the cooking liquid on the side.

We saw pork loin was on sale this week for 1.99 a pound at Kroger, so we thought it would be a good time to try out the recipe (it's usually 3.49).  Plus, I was craving meat and couldn't stop thinking about that yummy pork we had had 2 weeks ago.  The loin was pretty fatty on the outside, but we didn't trim it before cooking.  We mixed in one of the onion soup packets with the water, wine, and soy sauce mixture so it would dissolve.  The other one we sprinkled on top like the recipe said.  We let it cook overnight for about 9 hours, and then this morning I was able to just peel the fat off and scoop it out.  The meat fell apart it was so tender and DH and I each had huge servings of meat for lunch.  Yummy!  The best part is it's easy-peasy, just like this short blog post;-)

I'll try to be back soon with more stories.  For now, I'm off to Kroger to stock up on more pork loin for the freezer:-)

Quick Takes (32) and Trying to "Fear Not"

--- 1 ---

Hello everyone!  Remember me?  It seems that I and my blog have fallen off the face of the earth.  I certainly feel like I've lost some of my readers and regular blogging groove.  And yet I still don't feel settled and ready for regular blogging again.  Perhaps it's sleep deprivation, mild depression, lack of a regular routine, being overwhelmed, or something else.  I keep hoping this will change, but so far no luck.

--- 2 ---

We all survived the big move fairly well.  It worked really well for R and I to travel 500 miles with DH in the car over 2 days.  It gave us a chance to all leave town together, be sad together, and to spend some time cruising through the mountains (and saying goodbye to the Rockies) and reflecting back and looking ahead.  Plus, we also got to have a fun blogger meet up with this lovely blogger.  She's every bit as adventurous and outgoing in person as she is on her blog.  Thanks for making the drive to see us, M!  I survived my first solo flight with squirmy, wiggly R.  That was fun- not so much.  Thankfully, God placed understanding women in the seats next to me and gave on time flights, for my girl was awake for 5 or 6 hours straight!  DH had great driving weather and made the rest of the trip (1,500 miles) in 2 1/2 days.  That part of moving went as smoothly as we could have asked for.

--- 3 ---

The moving company, on the other hand, left much room for improvement.  They packed us up in -9 degree temps!  Talk about chilly day.  R and I hung out upstairs in the master bath and bedroom for most of the time since it was warmest there.  She napped great in her playpen in the bathroom.  The movers did a good job packing everything up, but when it came to load the truck the next day, they did not put down any home protection as requested and got muddy footprints every where in our house (our carpeting is a light beige).  Not cool.  I even asked them at the beginning to put down floor coverings.  So, we had muddy foot prints in every single room of the house and dinged up doorframes and marks on the wall.  I was livid!  Thankfully, the moving company agreed to have carpet cleaners come in and clean it all after we had moved out.  Still, it was infuriating because we had our house so clean and taken care of to sell it and the muddy carpets could have been prevented.

--- 4 ---

Once R and I had arrived in our new state, we got the keys to our rental house and discovered there was no fridge included!  We sold ours with our house as is customary there and I failed to get a list of all appliances included.  I assumed a fridge would be standard in a rental home.  I was not happy.  Thankfully, a family at church was getting rid of theirs, so we only had to go 3 days without a fridge!

--- 5 ---

This weather in the South is going to take awhile to get used to.  It's been 50s and 60s all week and rainy...hardly mid-January weather like I'm used to.  I can't decide if I like it yet or just miss winter with snow.  Time will tell, I suppose.

--- 6 ---

I'm currently waiting for the in-laws to arrive this evening; our first house guests in our new state.  Should be fun to see them and I know they're dying to see how R has grown.  Last time they saw her was her baptism at 5 weeks old!  We're also waiting for my car to arrive. That is the last piece of the moving puzzle.  We shipped it on Jan. 2nd.  Not sure why it's taking so long.

--- 7 ---

Bible verse challenge.  On the 15th I picked another verse, but before I share which one, let me give a little background info.  Throughout the whole move process, God has continually (almost daily it seems) affirmed the move and His ability to provide what we need.  Whether it's a fridge, internet service, or even a TV, we continue to have just the right people offer what we need or don't have.  I continue to be amazed by the clarity that I seem to think He is acting with.  And the outpouring of love and support by church people has been like none that we've received before.  Maybe there really is something to southern hospitality.

All this sounds great, right?  The one thing that has crept up the most (probably Satan trying to steal my joy from the above good things) is my fear of my physical safety.  This house we are renting is old and needs updating.  The exterior doors (all 5 of them plus another to the garage) seem so old and flimsy that I feel like I could kick one in if I tried.  It's a ranch home with tons of space, which is great, but the basement creeps me out.  It walks out to a private, wooded backyard, and none of that part is visible to neighbors.  I feel like it's just a break in waiting to happen.  It's so weird to me that I can't stop thinking about someone breaking in.  The neighborhood is nice and well established, the neighbors we've met so far are nice, and there's nothing that should lead me to think it would be an area burglars would target.  But we are in a big metro area, so of course the crime is going to be higher than our previous town.  I've just never had such a strong sense of fear about someone breaking in before.  It's bizarre to me.  We have taken steps to make it more secure, but I still worry.  Maybe because I'm home all day with R, maybe because it's a new home and location, maybe because Satan wants me not to be thinking about God's goodness.

Anyways, I chose my verse to speak directly to that fear:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

It's a long one, which made me not want to do it, but I think it'll be good to have a long verse to try and turn my thoughts to things from God!

Speaking of long...this is quite the long quick takes.  Maybe I should start calling them long takes if this keeps up!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Singing A New Song

So many thoughts and so little time to process them.  I'll do my best here though since this is a good outlet for me to start processing where I've been and where I'm going.

I'm participating in this lovely lady's Scripture memory challenge for 2013, and it serves as the basis for some of the thoughts I'm processing about the New Year, the move, etc.  The idea is to choose a Bible verse to memorize on the 1st and 15th of the month.  I participated in this challenge back in 2011 and it was such a good thing for me.  I didn't retain all 24 verses that I memorized, but I did remember more than I knew at the beginning of the year.  It was a good exercise to practice filling my mind with spiritual thoughts from God rather than complaints, worries, etc.  And since I feel this blog has become somewhat of a downer lately with all my sad posts about moving (such has been my life too), this challenge came at a good time.


The verse I chose for the first two weeks of January is: "Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth." Psalm 96:1 NIV 

It's a short verse, but it's sort of going to become my theme verse for the year, I think.  With the start of the New Year, I always have ideas of what I hope to accomplish and how I hope to live.  With the move coming so quickly after the New Year, it is so vividly clear to me that 2012 marks the closing of the chapter of my life in the Mountain West and 2013 marks the opening of a new chapter in the Southeast.  It's still quite hard and emotional for me to think about basically starting our life over, and yet it's what I know God is asking of me/us.  I feel like "my song" is changing with the move.  All of the areas I was previously involved in- work, church, campus ministry, women's Bible study, etc. (all of the things that made up "my song") are going to change.  And while I can look at the change with much sadness as I have been lately, I can also embrace the change and look to the Lord to provide me with a new song. 

So I love the "new song" idea, but I also love the singing part as well.  Singing is filled with such joy and that's what I hope to convey to people in the new place as well as my family and those around me.  I'll admit I don't think it's going to be easy, but I'm going to try and sing my "new song."  And I love a short verse because the first part of January is crazy: we shipped my car out of the big city on Wednesday, movers packed up our house yesterday, they are loading the moving truck today in the bitter cold (negative temps...brr), tomorrow we pull out of our beautiful mountain valley for the last time (I'm already tearing up thinking about it), R and I are taking our time riding to Denver with DH, R and I then fly to our new town and hang out with her Godparents while DH drives 3 more days.  Our stuff will arrive a day or two after DH and then the fun continues as we begin to get settled into our rental home for the next 6 months or so.  So a short verse is good for me.  Plus, I've already been reciting it over and over, so I know it was the right choice.

I may be MIA for awhile until we get an internet connection set up at the new place.  I expect to be back to sporadic blogging by mid-January.  Just in time to share my January 15th verse with y'all, right;-)