So Many Thoughts and Emotions: Part 2

Well, this isn't necessarily the last post of the year that I had in mind, but since I've been working to finish the 2nd part of my update post, here goes:

Back here I had posted the beginnings of my emotions surrounding a multitude of topics.  I had left you hanging on the house, so Part 2 will mainly be about the house.  To recap- we busted our buns getting the house ready for the market and in showing condition.  And we priced it to sell.  We hoped we wouldn't have to spend months of continuing to pay the mortgage here while we paid rent (or a 2nd mortgage) in our new location.  To do that, our realtor researched the prices of homes in our area that had recently sold and compared them with the size of ours.  We priced our home a little higher than what she recommended, but we wanted some wiggle room for negotiating.  We also figured out the worst case scenario as far as the maximum of all the fees we would have to pay, if the buyers requested we pay closing costs, what we still owe on our mortgage, etc.  DH and I hoped we would come out ahead enough that we would have 20% to put down on a new home.  As we ran the worst case scenario numbers, we quickly realized that we would come out at almost exactly that 20% figure we were hoping for!  Thank you, Lord.  I do not think that was a coincidence.

So our house goes on the market December 7th- not exactly prime time to sell a house, but it was the best we could do.  DH still continues to freak out a bit about the stress of selling the house.  "Normally high stress me" is calm, cool, and collected about selling the house.  I continue to reassure him that God will take care of the house.  Evidently, it is easy for me to trust God with huge things that are out of my control (except for IF).  I even wrote in my journal before our house went on the market about my confidence (or foolishness and naivety to some) of how quickly God was going to sell our house.  I thought I could just feel it working out.

I breathe a huge sigh of relief when our house finally does go up on the market because it's a little hard to sell a house if it isn't on the market.  And yet I quickly realize that I am exhausted and not excited about waking up every day and making sure the house is in "show" condition in case we get a phone call from our realtor.

The photographer comes Friday afternoon to take professional pictures of our house (our house went up on the market with just one exterior photo) and I tell DH it's too bad the pictures won't be uploaded until Monday.  We'll probably have showings of people who wouldn't be interested if they could see the interior of our home (we have lots of colorful, painted walls).  Sure enough...we get a phone call Friday afternoon saying we have a showing scheduled Saturday afternoon.  Let the fun begin.

We vacate our home and head to DH's office because, of course, R wants to take a nap while we need to be out of the house.  We bring work to do at his office and before R even wakes up from her nap, we have a phone call and an offer on the house! Less than 45 minutes after the showing we have a reasonable offer!  I wasn't surprised (see confidence in God comment above) and yet I was.  Wow.  God really was going to sell our house in a weekend.

We met with our realtor and discussed the offer.  Since it was the 1st showing and the 1st offer, we decided to do a counter offer.  But DH and I would have been happy with the original offer...it was a little less than we asked, but they covered closing costs, making us come out ahead of our worst case scenario!   The coolest part for me was seeing the names of the buyers on the paperwork we had to sign and realizing that most likely they were international students or adults connected with the institution I taught at (based on where they were pre-approved for a loan).  I only had their names to go by, but I figured they were either Ethiopian or Arabic.  What a way for me to come full circle.  I moved out here in Jan. 2004 to go to graduate school and teach ESL.  And here I am leaving almost exactly 9 years later after having taught ESL for nearly my whole time here.  I love that we sold our house to an international couple!  I almost started crying in front of our realtor when I realized that.  That turned out even better than I expected in so many ways.

We sent a counter over Sat. night and by Sun. afternoon they had accepted!  We sold our house with 1 showing and 1 day on the market.  God's hand was clearly all over that.  Who sells their house that quickly in December in this market?  Apparently, God does that for us.  Everyone we talked to was simply stunned by the news of our house selling so rapidly.  I thoroughly enjoyed giving God credit for the amazing work He had done.  There was no other way to explain it than God, and even those non-believers/non-church attenders around me had to admit they were amazed (and hopefully saw my testimony to God).

Talk about a huge, majorly big obstacle falling by the wayside.  God continued to pave the way for our move and clearly showed us it was time to move and confirmed the decision we had made.  That was a relief.  I can't even imagine the stress of a cross-country move if one of us was regretting the decision or feeling we made the wrong decision.

Selling the house quickly meant we could put up some Christmas decorations and could live a little in our house, not having to worry about a potential showing every single day.  It was nice to have a few personal items out for Advent and Christmas.  It wasn't the same as years past, but at least we had a teeny tiny tree (the 3ft kind that goes in an entryway) that R could stare at and we could take pictures of her by.  I called it our twig tree.  And even having a twig tree was ok with me.

Throughout the whole process, I found it ironic at how calm I was and how stress DH was. He usually is the one who is always so calm and relaxed and I am the one spazzing around worrying like a crazy fool.  He was the calm one throughout our years of IF.  He'd reassure me and say he just knew we would have our own child one day.  It's funny how our roles were reversed and I was the one calmly telling him not to worry about our house selling because I just knew it would sell without a problem.

So...the house is under contract.  We've completed the home inspection and all of the little things they wanted us to fix.  The appraiser came today.  We just have to wait on the buyer's financing and we will have sold our home.  Thanks be to God for showing His power in such a clear and mighty way!

And with that we close the 2012 year out and almost simultaneously close this chapter in our lives.  2012 has been good to us...house renovations, preparations for Baby PPIW's arrival, the birth of R, lots of family visits, several trips to other states, and the selling of our house.  Of course there have been challenges with the decision to move and other issues, but it seems 2012 was a lot kinder to us than previous years.  Probably because it was in 2012 that we officially said goodbye to IF.  Who knows what the future holds regarding my health and our family size, but we can no longer call ourselves IF with the birth of R in 2012.  And with that we look to 2013 with excitement, anticipation, and a little bit of fear.  Goodbye, 2012. 

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!  I pray your celebrations of our Savior's birth were filled with the wonder, joy, and peace that only He can bring.

It was sort of a different Christmas for us; a Christmas of firsts and lasts.  It was simply beautiful outside yesterday...blue skies and sun reflecting on all of the snow we had gotten Christmas Eve.  The trees were covered with the fresh dusting and it looked beautiful.  What a way for God to send us out in His magnificent style.

-R's 1st Christmas.  What a joy it was to see her experience the lights, Christmas hymns at church, and the presents.  She's old enough (almost 8 months now) that she was able to take it all in, observing everything around her.  My favorite was watching her play with her Little People nativity set.  It has long been a dream of mine to have a little one to play with that set.  It may sound funny, but every Christmas I would see that nativity in the store and want to buy it for our child.  Christmas after Christmas would go by and I wouldn't buy it because we were still IF.  Finally, last year I bought it while we were pregnant in anticipation of what I imagined would be coming the following Christmas.  My heart is so happy as I watch her play with baby Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

-Our last Christmas here.  All of the joy and excitement of having R experience her 1st Christmas was tempered with the sadness of knowing this was also our last Christmas here.  Our last white Christmas, our last Christmas in this home and this town, our last time celebrating Christmas Eve and Christmas Day services with our church family- people that really are almost like our own families.  I cried yesterday as we were leaving church, knowing it was the last time we would worship in that building and with those people for some time (sure we will come back and visit one day, but things will never be the same).

And yet through it all, I tried to remember our faith in Christ....the thing that unites us as a family of three and unites us as a body of believers...no matter where we live or where we celebrate Christmas!

And throughout all our celebrations of firsts and lasts, those of you waiting were especially on my heart and mind and in my prayers.  I pray especially that one day soon you will be able to experience the joy of Christmas as seen through the eyes of your child.

So Many Thoughts and Emotions: Part 1

Hello, blogger world friends!  Remember me?  I'm the one who used to post multiple times a week, or at least once a week had been my goal recently.  Life has gotten away from me and I haven't posted in what feels like ages.  Let me explain what has been happening and some of the thoughts filling my head.  Then maybe you will see why I haven't had time to post as much as I would like.  In no organized order:

Colleague's memorial: Last weekend I attended a memorial service for my colleague.  He was the one diagnosed with cancer this summer, and I was the one they called in to pick up his class.  I have thought about him all term long...how he was so close to retirement, how he had spent 30+ years teaching at this institution, etc.  He died before Thanksgiving, but his family just had the memorial last weekend.  He was active in the Quaker community, so it was a Quaker service.  Very interesting.  Everyone sat in a circle and there was no scheduled program.  Anyone who wanted to speak could just stand up and say something about him.  Then everyone had a moment of silence to meditate on the words that were spoken before the next person stood up.  It was nice, but I'll be honest, there was no hope.  A funeral is depressing for me to attend unless the person knew Christ.  There is hope in the power and resurrection of Christ to those that believe.  Without new life in Christ and the promise of time spent with him in heaven, things are just depressing.

Last day of teaching: Last Friday marked the end of my teaching career here and the end of my working for awhile.  It's such a weird thing.  I have been teaching at the same place for 9 (nine!) years.  That is the longest I've ever worked in one place before.  And I've loved it.  I've loved my students and what they've taught me, I've loved (most of) my colleagues, I've loved the academic setting I've taught in and all the opportunities and experiences it has afforded me.  My department already had a farewell party for me.  I just have to finish sorting through and cleaning out my office and packing the teaching books that I want to take with, and then I will be putting a close to that chapter of my life (permanently or for a while?  I don't know at this point).

Preparing the house to sell: We busted our buns to get our house ready to put on the market.  After we met with our realtor, I had a huge list of things I wanted us to do to get it ready to show.  We wanted to list our house that week after we met with her, but we didn't quite make our personal deadline as there was so much to do.  

We had professional carpet cleaners in to clean our carpets, and they turned out so amazing!  We only did the high traffic areas, hallways, and stairs because we had too much stuff in the other rooms, but I can't believe how much better they look.  DH and I were ready to just put a flooring allowance into our seller's contract because we thought they were in such bad shape.  We had rented carpet cleaners before and nothing really seemed to work.  Our realtor suggested we try a Chem-Dry franchise, and it was the best $120 we spent.  They pre-treated the worst areas (that was $20 extra...ooo, deal) and did an amazing job.  Their cleaning products are green-friendly and safe for kids, and the carpets were dry within just a few hours.  You almost can't tell that our cream-colored carpeting is 10 years old!  (And no, they did not pay me to advertise for them for free).

We also took all of our pictures off the walls, put most of our personal things (ie. knick knacks) away, and moved a bunch of furniture to the garage, so that our spaces looked bigger.  It was hard to put everything away because we didn't want to pack it since the moving company will do the packing, but we didn't want to leave it out cluttering up our house.  We'll just say it's a good thing all the space under our beds was open and we had extra shelves in our closets to fill!

We filled nail holes and did paint touch ups.  We bought some new blinds to replace ones that didn't match or looked worn.  We shoved a bunch of stuff into boxes and put in the crawl space.  I sold a few large items that we don't plan on moving.  Phew!  We were tired, exhausted, and physically drained by the time our house went up on the market.  And I was the slave driver behind all of it, which meant DH and I were often bickering because I was making him work on stuff in the evenings when he didn't want to (I didn't want to either).  I knew we would run out of time if I wasn't constantly hounding him, making him to-do lists, etc.

We did get our house on the market Dec. 7th (10 days after we met with our realtor for the first time!) I will count that as a success considering both DH and I were working during that time and taking care of R.  I will update you on the house in the next post (part 2) because there are so many things I'm still processing about that whole process.  Sorry to leave you in suspense;-)

Goodbyes: I hate saying goodbye.  I really do.  This weekend was a hard one: lots of goodbyes at church, with my work colleagues, etc.  One of the things I will miss most about the church we've been at here is the college group that I've helped out with.  Some of these young men and women are so strong in their faith.  It has been fun to be around many of them for multiple years in a row, and it's always nice to feel like God is using you to impact the lives of others.  It's kind of like they become our adoptive kids for awhile- asking DH and I for advice on things like dating, career choices, direction, etc.  And they have totally fallen in love with R.  You should see some of these college boys swoon over her.  It is precious.  Well, we had to say goodbye to the whole group on Sunday.  So, so sad.  Another chapter closes.

And because this post has already gotten longer than I expected, I'll close Part 1 and begin working on Part 2.

When God says, "Move!"

I don't know about you, but I like to be comfortable.  I like my routine.  I like familiar places.  I feel like lately we have just gotten into a routine with R, and I like how comfortable that is.  Less than 2 weeks of teaching left, and then I was planning on taking some time off from working because it's been too hard for me to juggle work and being a mom, and I've felt guilty about DH rearranging his work schedule to watch her.

I was looking forward to time off, to getting ready for the Advent season, and to celebrating our 1st Christmas as a family of three.  All of those things will still take place, but they will not be as I envisioned them to be.  You see, God is calling us to leave our comfort zones and head to the unknown.  Both DH and I felt God clearly showed us it was time for us to leave our home of 9+ years and have him accept the job offer to the Southeast.  As much as we both tried to run away from the job, God continued to place it before us and take away all the obstacles I was feeling ("But I can't move," God.  "I don't have time to pack up a whole house."  Guess what what clearly written in the job offer?...they will hire a moving company to come and pack up our house for us.  It's as if God was saying, "Trust me, PPIW, I know your fears and worries and I have them covered.")

I'm thankful that it was clear to both of us and that we were on the same page, but I'm not exactly sure why there and why now.  I'm trying to trust Him with it all, but we all know I'm not the best in the trust department.  Just look back on some of my posts during IF and then pregnancy.  I had a hard time fully trusting God.  I know He will orchestrate all of the details regarding selling our house here, providing a new place for us to live there (probably renting first, then buying a home after this one sells), getting all of our things moved cross country, etc. 

But just because I know that in my head doesn't make it easy to deal with in my heart.  Some days I do better than others, and overall, I was doing really good trusting until Monday.  We met with a realtor to talk about putting our house on the market, and that's when I think the move really hit me.  Sure there were tears when DH made the announcement we were moving and when I notified my department at work.  Yes, there have been tears driving around town when I realize we'll be leaving the mountains and scenery that we love.  There are tears when I look around R's room and remember all the work and love put into preparing it for her arrival.

I'm such a sentimental person, it's hard to think about leaving our first home- the place that holds so many memories, and yet, I know it's only a home filled with material possessions.  We get to take the memories (and photos of them) with us.  I know we will probably come back and visit this town again some time in the future to show R where she was born, but coming back, everyone and everything (including us) will be different.  Life as we know it...comfortable, content, happy life here in this town will not exist again.  Yes, we will become comfortable in the new place.  I'm sure of it, but right now, it's just that...a new, unknown, unfamiliar place.  And that's the scary part to me and the part that's shaking my trust.  I have to keep reminding myself that the way was made clear to us.  We're not doubting the decision made; I'm just dealing with the reality of transition.

It wasn't until we talked about everything we need to do to get our house ready to put on the market, and then started doing it, that the tears came in full force.  Taking down all of our photos, our wall hangings, our crosses (because crosses, wine, and coffee pots could be a turn off to a potential Mormon buyer, according to our realtor), etc. takes our personal connection out of the house.  I've cried for 3 days in a row as I look around at the bare walls; it just looks so lifeless.  And I guess that's sort of how I feel a little bit- like some of my joy has been sucked out, and I'm trying to turn my emotions off so I don't have to feel sad any more.  Did I mention Advent is my favorite season and I'm not even sure we'll be able to set up our tree or nativity sets?  How I was looking forward to R's 1st Christmas pictures by our tree.

If I stop to think about all that needs to be done (get our house ready to go on the market, sell our house, look for a new place to live, celebrate Advent and Christmas some how, finish my job, say our goodbyes, etc.) it is extremely overwhelming- especially considering we only have 4-5 weeks left here!  Talk about insane, huh?  If you want a sure fire way to induce stress, just decide to move and then have to do it in a total of 6-7 weeks with an almost 7 month old who seems to be constantly teething (ie. extra clingy and needy).  No wonder why my milk supply seems to be inadequate for R and she has been extra fussy because of my stress.  Still, I don't know how to be relaxed about it all.

Things will be so different; I know the adjustment will take time and the next several months will be hard.  I'm giving myself 6-12 months before I expect to feel settled in a new place.  If it happens before that time- fantastic.  I'll gladly take it.  But just the logistics of having to rent an apartment for awhile and then look for a home to buy will take time.  Oh, and Lent starts extra early this year (mid-February), which means DH will be busy through the end of March when Easter is.

I heard this song on the radio last week, and two lines just keep running through my head: I wish I knew how all my fears and all my questions are gonna play out in a world I can't control and To you my future is a memory cause you're already there.

Things are SO out of my control right now; I think that's one of the reasons for my major angst.  I don't like being pushed so far out of my comfort zone, but I do know my faith will only be made stronger because of this.  I cannot rely on my own wisdom or strength; truly it is God who will bring this all together.

And then the 2nd line- the idea of my future being God's memory is really cool.  He already knows where we will live, how we will get settled, etc.  Now I just need to trust Him, wait, and be patient for it to all play out.  Easier said then done, right?  Trust.  Wait.  Patience.

"Already There" by Casting Crowns.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from my little turkey to you!

Lots to be thankful for this year, but I still can't help thinking back to those Thanksgivings that were hard...the one soon after our 1st miscarriage, the one at the beginning of our IF journey, the one before my PCOS diagnosis, etc.  For those of you that find it hard to be thankful this year, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he IS good; his love endures forever."  Psalm 107:1 (emphasis mine)

Quick Takes (31)

--- 1 ---

Dh and I went to Starbucks today for our buy one get one free holiday latte.  I had a gingerbread latte.  Yummy.  I don't have coffee much (maybe once or twice a month) because R doesn't need any more energy (ie. wildness) added to her already active state.  It was a fun treat though.  You can still go and get yours tomorrow or Sunday from 2-5pm.  Dh says he wants to go back and try another one.  We shall see.  The best part?  Starbucks put $5 on my Starbucks card for free because it had been so long since I used my card.  Basically, both of our drinks were free!  I like free.

--- 2 ---

Dh and I have finally come to a decision about the move.  I can't say what that decision is yet because people here and there still need to be notified, but I will have a post all about it soon.  Lots of thoughts are swirling around in my head and I really should process them on "paper" so to speak.  God confirmed His direction to both Dh and I on the same day.  Our prayer all along has been that God would make the way clear to both of us, and He did that.

--- 3 ---

It's hard to believe half of November has already passed.  I can't believe Thanksgiving is less than a week away.  As we've done for several years in a row, we're inviting some of my international students over to experience their 1st Thanksgiving along with some of the college students from church that can't travel home.  Thanksgiving for us is usually spent in town and our families don't often travel to be with us, so  we appreciate the opportunity to share the holiday with others who can't be with their families.  We usually prepare all the food, but since we've been doing it for so many years, Dh and I have our routine down.

--- 4 ---

This year we're doing something new for Thanksgiving.  I ordered a smoked turkey from the meat lab on campus, so it's already cooked!  All we have to do is warm it.  I can't wait to taste the smoked meat...yummy!  Dh usually does a brine the night before and then we cook it in an oven bag the next year.  It works pretty slick and tastes yummy, but this will be a new treat.

--- 5 ---

I'm addicted to a local classifieds page on Facebook.  People can post pictures and buy and sell things from our community.  My intent was to join the group to sell things we aren't using, but so far I've actually purchased more than I've sold.  I just can't turn down a good deal: a wire cookbook holder for $5, free boxes of baby oatmeal cereal, the 3 Matrix DVDs for Dh for $6 total, cute handmade Christmas decor, etc.  It's how I'm doing my Christmas shopping for Dh and R.  Ha, ha.  (I'm only half serious.)  I was able to sell our old land line phone for $15 and a converter box for $10.  Who knew people still wanted to buy those things!  And to think, I was just going to bag it up and take it to our local thrift store.  Now I have a list of new and used things that I think I can sell on the sight along with a bag of things that I plan to donate. 

--- 6 ---

My colleague is nearing the end of his life.  I can't stop thinking about him.  He's the one who was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer the end of June.  He's also the one whose class I am teaching this semester.  Nearly every day that I go to teach, I think about him.  I think about how he should be the one teaching the class and how I should be home with R.  He was the one schedule to teach the course.  He was the one who always taught this course.  And now I don't think he'll even make it to Thanksgiving.  It's so sad.  I think about him, his wife, and kids, and pray for them to have peace.  I don't know exactly what his thoughts are on death and the afterlife, but I do know that he's a Quaker.  I imagine I'll be going to his funeral before the term is over.  How sad.  I'm just reminded of how quickly life can change, and it makes me give a few more hugs to those I love around me.

--- 7 ---

 On that heavy note, phew...I don't know what else to say.  Enjoy the weekend and tell those around you that you love them!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Quick Takes (30)

--- 1 ---

In a rut: Wow.  It's been awhile since I've done Quick Takes.  It's been awhile since I've done much blogging too.  I am just sort of in a funk.  I don't know what's wrong.  My motivation is lacking and I'm just tired.  It could be winter coming- seasonal depression?  It could be hormones, adrenals, or thyroid.  I don't know, but I'm ready to have some energy back. Blech.  I laid down for a bit this afternoon and ended up sleeping 2 hours until my DH came in and woke me because R needed to be fed.  I did not think I was that tired.

--- 2 ---

Work: I'm at the point in the semester when I'm ready for it to be over.  Students are too, I think.  Four more weeks to go, and with Thanksgiving in there, it'll surely fly by.  I just counted- 10 days left of teaching.  I love my job, I really do, and have been so thankful to do something that I love for so many years.  I've had great students this semester and the new course has been fun to teach, but my heart is really no longer in teaching.  When I'm in class with the students, it's fine, but it's all of the other time that it doesn't feel fine.  It's so hard to find time and motivation to work on my lesson plans and correct papers while at home.  DH has been super about watching R three mornings a week, but he really needs to be at work himself.  Regardless of where we are living next year, I really feel like it's time to tie up my teaching shoes for awhile.  Maybe it would be different if R was a little older or we had family in the area, but it just seems like she needs her Mama and I feel like it's my job, responsibility, and privilege to be her Mama at home with her most of the time.

--- 3 ---

Politics: I am so glad the election is over.  I really can't stand politics or politicians.  In fact, I knew I would not be happy with either outcome of the election because I can't stand either candidate- both are so shady and sly and things got so ugly with each of them and the things they were saying towards the end.  Neither was telling 100% truth, and the thought of having to spend four years seeing and listening to either Obama or Romney was almost enough to make me not want to vote for either one.  I did go and vote, but...ugh! Ryan was the only one out of the Pres/VPs that I liked.

--- 4 ---

Sleep regression and/or teething?: It seems like we are entering a new phase of sleeping with R.  During the day time, she no longer goes down in her crib easily.  She will fuss the minute we put her down and continue to get worked up.  Some fussing is normal at times for her if she is tired but wants to continue playing, for example.  But this screaming business is too much.  She's not hungry and her diaper is dry- always check those 2 things first.  I'm thinking either her ear is still bugging her (tomorrow is the last day of antibiotics...yippee.  I'm anxious for her diaper output to return to normal), she needs us to do sleep training to have a more consistent napping schedule, she is still teething, or she just feels off because of solids she is now eating.  I don't know, but it about drove DH crazy this morning when he was home alone with her.

--- 5 ---

Amber necklace: I do think the amber teething necklace is helping with R's irritability during the day time.  She might wake up from a nap extremely cranky, and we'll put the necklace on her and she seems to calm down before too long.  I don't think it's the placebo effect, but I'm still doing my research.  The only problem is I wish we could leave it on her during nap time to see if that helps with #4, but I think it's probably a strangulation hazard.  What do the other mamas do that have their little ones wear a necklace??

--- 6 ---

In awe: I am continually amazed at the power of God in creating life as I watch my little one grow and develop.  It is so amazing to me how God has made each one of us.  The things that she just knows how to do instinctively are so cool.  For example, a few weeks ago she started practice chewing with her mouth.  We hadn't started solids yet, but her little body just knew it was time to start practicing that in preparation for solids.  Another example, she still can't quite sit up on her own, but if you hold her in your lap, she does this little bopping back and forth into your chest, almost like baby sit-ups.  I think it's her strengthening her core, so she can sit up by herself.  It is so fun to watch her grow.  And as I do, I continue to think about and pray for those still battling IF.  Really, not a day goes by that I don't think about some aspect of IF and those of you still in the trenches.

--- 7 ---

6 months: It's hard to believe 1/2 a year has already passed that we've had a baby in the house.  In some ways, it feels like she's been a part of our family for much longer.  And in other ways, it still amazes me each day that I have a baby in the house.  Am I ever going to wake up and have all this be over?  We had some pictures taken last week to celebrate her 1/2 birthday, and while she wasn't feeling the best because of her ear infection, I think our photographer managed to catch a few cute ones.  We were going for a fallish theme since it was early November.  Enjoy!

I bought this adorable hat from our farmer's market this summer.  The seller does such a great job crocheting adorable designs.  I'm pretty sure she sells them online as well.

She loved the bucket.  It was perfect size for her to sit in.

Yep, we carved a pumpkin and put her in it since this was right after Halloween.  She wasn't crazy about it, but I think that's because the inside of the pumpkin felt cold.  We did let her keep some clothes on instead of going for the naked shot like I had originally thought about.

This is how she self-soothes: 2 fingers in the mouth.  Most of the time she does it when she's going to sleep or getting tired.  This was the end of the photo shoot- she was telling us she was done.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

All Over the Place

That's where this blog post is going to be...all over the place, and that's sort of where I feel these days...all over the place.  I have been hoping to post for days, but just haven't had the motivation to upload pictures and such.  So instead of a few smaller posts, you get them all combined into one.

Colds and ear infections:  After our trip to MN a few weeks ago, R returned with a cold.  No big deal, that happened after the trip to GA.  Nose Frida became our BFF, even though it's probably the grossest thing ever (you suck snot out of your infant's nose through a long tube).  We were constantly sucking out all her congestion, and then her cold seemed to be going away and she was getting better.  Until one morning (the day after Halloween, to be exact), she woke up screaming.  I could just tell she was in pain and nothing would calm her down.  Plus, she would hardly open her eyes, which was scary.  Off to the doctor's office we went, to learn she had an ear infection, possibly some sort of eye infection going on (as a result of the ear infection?), and maybe even a sinus infection too!  No wonder she was in pain.  Poor, girl.  She had been pulling on her ear some this week, but we chalked it up to teething since she had all the other signs of teething.  A few doses of eye drops and an antibiotic later, our energetic little girl is on the mend (except we're already ready to be off the antibiotic as it's messy with her tummy).  Talk about major mommy guilt though that I didn't realize something was wrong sooner.

Fermentation: Have any of you done much with ferments? I went to a free class recently that was put on by my crunchy mama local group (that's essentially the name they call themselves).  It was so interesting to learn about the various ferments you can do, the benefits they provide to your body, and how your gut health may have an effect on your overall health.  There was lots of taste testing going on.  Here's one of my faves.  The one we tried also had fresh garlic and ginger added to the basic recipe.  Use whole carrots and peel them yourself (not baby carrots that have been preserved in choline).

Baltic Amber: I've been researching amber teething necklaces for the little person in our house.  She seems to be getting more irritable these days along with pulling on her ears and cheeks, still drooling like crazy, chewing on everything, and now sucking in her bottom lip over her gums all the time.  I think teething has begun.  I've heard about amber teething necklaces, but there were so many options.  I finally just ordered one from Inspired By Finn.  They also have a Facebook page where they give out discount codes.  Of course, I ordered one evening and the next morning there was a discount code.  Go figure.

Anyway, from what I've read, the amber that has the highest level of succinic acid in it (and thus more of the healing/anti-inflammatory properties) is the raw, light-colored, opaque amber.  Who knew, right?  The polished or semi-polished, dark-colored, clear amber has less succinic acid.  These necklaces aren't just for babies; they have adult ones as well.  I'll let you know how R's necklace works out; I may be buying one for myself- who knows!

Snow: We woke up one morning last week to a surprise snow fall!  I couldn't believe it.  I had been up at midnight with R, and it was only raining at that point.  I was up again at 5:30 and the rain had turned to snow.  We all went back to sleep, and when R woke again, we did what all normal parents do...dressed her in her snowsuit and went outside for photos!  We were still in our pjs.  We think R liked her 1st snowfall.

I will admit that it did look pretty on the trees looking out our backyard.

And the view down our street towards the mountains was spectacular.

There is just something magical about the 1st snowfall.  But still...winter is not at the top of my favorites list for seasons.  Maybe GA doesn't look so bad after all.

Leaves: I've been trying to take fun fall pictures of R this week, but she's so uninterested in the leaves or any fun "playing in the leaves" pictures I've tried to do.  We take her outside and she goes into this trance like state...just staring up at the sky.  

Well, that's about all for now.  I have more random updates, but I think I'll post this one and go to bed.  Who knows what will happen tonight with the time change and a little one!

8 Questions: Your Answers Wanted/Needed

We are back from our 3rd out-of-state trip this fall.  I would not recommend taking 3 trips (2 by plane and 1 by car) in 4 1/2 weeks with an infant.  While we enjoyed each of the trips, my energy is really sapped.  Not that I had a ton of energy to begin with (I'm still wondering about adrenal and/or thyroid problems).

Anyway...I'll talk about the trips more later, but in the meantime, the following miscellaneous questions are on my mind.  I would love responses you could give to any or all of them!

1. Is anyone in touch with Little Joann?  Is she ok?  Her blog has been taken down, and I'm worried about her.  Plus, I miss reading about Toddler Ann and Little Joe.

2. Does anyone have good websites to calculate cost of living differences between two cities?  Or is there a place I can go to find the average cost of living in one city?  I've googled and been to a few sites, but all the information is different for each calculator I've used.

3. Has anyone ever worked with a moving company that comes to pack up your house, moves it, and unpacks in the new location?  If so, how much do you clean and organize your things before they come and how much do you just get rid of things, so they don't have to move them?  I'm thinking of all the junk drawers in our house, our big plastic totes full of things, etc.  I've been trying to declutter and eliminate things since before R was born, but it's a slow process when you have so much stuff from having lived in one place for almost 10 years.  (Don't interpret this question as us having made a decision about moving.  We haven't at all, but I'm already thinking about this and wondering if I should start super-declutter mode now...just in case).

4. Are there things I can eat to increase little R's immune system?  It seems she has another cold, or at least another plugged nose after her 2nd airplane trip.  I've been trying to eat super healthy to help her get over it quicker, but I wonder if there's more I can do?  I also take a probiotic and she takes Tri-vitamin drops (Vitamins A, C, and D).  I'm exclusively nursing.

5. Do any of your little ones wear an amber necklace to help with teething?  Do they really work?  No teeth here yet, but the drool and irritability has increased.  I'm thinking teething season has started.

6. We're 2 weeks away from starting solids....oh my!  How do I start?  Do I just offer rice cereal before nursing?  How many times a day do I give rice cereal?  When do I start pureed foods?  I'm super paranoid about rice cereal since Consumer Reports came out with their article on arsenic in rice, and I'm super clueless about how to start solids.  I'd like to make my own baby food, so I borrowed a few books from a friend but haven't had a chance to read them yet.

7. Changing pad acrobatics.  That's what it's like to change a diaper in our house lately- an acrobatic feat.  We have the changing pad on the floor because as soon as you get a diaper off and start lifting her legs to change her, she's arching her back and going on her head.  It's sort of like the reverse wheelbarrow move if you ever did that in elementary school where someone picked up your legs and you had to move forward by crawling on your hands.

Anyways, I don't know how to get her to stop or at least slow down, so I can put a diaper on properly and minimize the chance of blowouts.  And if it's not the reverse wheelbarrow move, then it's rolling over onto her tummy.  I thought the novelty of these new tricks would wear off after a few weeks, but they haven't.  She also does the arching her back, lean her head backwards/upside down move while she's nursing.  That old trick continues as well.  Maybe she just likes looking at the world upside down?

Thanks in advance for any answers or experiences you might be able to share.  Once again, I am humbled by how little I know about raising a child, and yet she seems to be turning out ok so far:-)  It must be those prayers.

"Whom Shall I Fear?"

I was driving to work this morning when God spoke to me through music on the radio.  He does this often.  I'm not sure why He so frequently chooses to speak to me in the car, but maybe it's because I'm focused on the words of the music (and the road, of course).  My mind is usually thinking about a lot, and I almost always have the one Christian radio station in town on because I know I need to fill my mind with positive thoughts during my drive time.  I'm never in the car long (10-15 minutes thanks to small town life), yet often have powerful encounters.

Today was no different.  DH recently got a call officially offering him the job in ATL.  Even though we knew this was most likely coming, until he received the official call, we could just pretend like it was a long ways off and we didn't have to make any decisions.  Now that he's been offered the job, we DO have to decide if we're moving or not.  It's not some far off decision.  It is here and now.  And while we're waiting to receive all of the paperwork and detailed compensation package, we've already begun talking about where we feel God might be leading.

So I was in the car today thinking about the potential move and all that would be involved.  In particular, I was thinking of having to say goodbye to all of the people I've built relationships with here the past 9 years.  This is the longest I've lived any where since I was young at home growing up. 

I was thinking about pulling out of the driveway for the last time and saying goodbye to our home.  That may sound weird, but this home has so many memories.  It was our 1st home we lived in as a married couple and now that's been 7 1/2 years.  It was our 1st home with a nursery.  The home we brought Baby R in to.  It's already filled with so many memories in just that short time.

I was thinking about R never knowing the place she was born.

I was thinking about having to start over with every thing...a new home, new church, making new relationships, new doctors, new this, new that, etc.

And it was all a little overwhelming and emotional. 

And just as I turned off and was getting ready to park at my building, I heard this new song by Chris Tomlin, "Whom Shall I Fear?"  I sat in the parking lot until it was over, and thanked God for speaking to me so clearly today.

You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light
Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though trouble linger still
Whom shall I fear?

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies is always by my side
The One who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises
You are faithful
You are faithful

The chorus is what really struck me: "I know who goes before...I know who stands behind..." God.  God is the One who goes before me to pave the way should we decide to move.  God is the One who stands behind me to support me in the decision making process.  There is no reason to fear.  There's no reason to fear the decision that we make, and no reason to fear the future.

And with that, I got out of my car and went to teach, vowing to look up that song as soon as I got home.  I had a feeling it might become my theme song for the coming weeks.  The bad news is since it's a new song, it's not available on iTunes yet and the album doesn't come out until January.  Bummer.  But I wanted to share, nonetheless, in case someone else is struggling with fear of the future.

Waiting Well

Waiting on God.  

I'm an extremely impatient person, so learning to wait has been hard for me, especially waiting on God and His timing in my life.  The hardest waiting periods of my life so far have been waiting to meet and marry my DH, waiting for God to grow our family with a child, and waiting for loved ones to recognize their need for God and return to Him and His Church.

The 3rd waiting example is a little different than the first two, and I will just speak to those two.  In the first two cases, I can still clearly remember the angst, jealousy, and fear that would crop up as I spent months and then years waiting to see what God had in store for me regarding marriage and children.  The waiting would grow harder as I looked around to see those friends and family members all around me doing the things that my heart longed to do (get married, have kids).  And that was what I found interesting...the more I would look around at others, the more I would grow restless and uncomfortable in that current season of life.  The more I would look up at God, trusting Him in that season, the more tolerable my current season of life would be.

I have so many more thoughts on waiting as I find myself again waiting on God.  Waiting to see what He has in store for our family regarding this move (which in no way compares to the above two long seasons of waiting that I had to endure.  I want to make sure that is clear.  There are different kinds and lengths of waiting; some are definitely harder than others.), but I want to encourage each of you in a waiting season of life right now to head on over to this blog, In its time.  The author is posting every day in October about some aspect of waiting.  She has such amazing things to say about waiting- worship and waiting, God's promises and waiting, learning how to wait, waiting well, etc.  I have no doubt that if you find yourself in a season of waiting, at least one of the 31 posts she does this month will touch your heart and speak to you.  I know they have for me already.

Her 1st Flight

***Posting this now as-is since we've already taken a 2nd trip as a family and I haven't posted details about the 1st one. Time to get these posts out of the draft stage!

We were gone Thursday-Monday, and if you remember, this was for an on-site interview for a potential new job for DH.  This is a job that came out of the blue.  We weren't looking to move; the opportunity was just sort of placed before us.  And while we aren't necessarily looking to move right now, there really wasn't a reason to say no to their request for us to come visit.  Sure, it wasn't very convenient to travel with an infant, nor was it  enjoyable to fly 1,500 miles, but we did it and I'm glad we did.  Turns out R is quite the little traveler.

We left Thursday morning, after feeding R, with an hour and a half drive to the airport.  She dozed a little bit on the way down, then I put her in the Ergo to walk around the airport.  We boarded our flight during the pre-boarding because she was hungry.  I was able to nurse before many of the people got on board, and we were able to make sure there was space in the overhead bin for our luggage.  The nice thing about the plane was it was 2-3-2 for the seating configuration, which meant I had a window seat with R and DH had the aisle.  We were near the back of the plane, so DH could step to the back and rock R when she became fussy.  That made the 3 1/2 hour flight much more bearable.

With a full belly, R quickly fell asleep on take-off.  Woo hoo!  This was working great...until 20 mins. into the flight- she filled a diaper.  Stinky!  We had to wait until the seat belt sign was off to go and change her.  Did you know most planes don't have a changing table in any of the bathrooms?!?  I didn't know that.  We took a blanket from the airline, put it on top of the toilet seat and attempted to change the diaper.  It was a 2 person job.  And of course, it was a diaper blowout..complete with a new clothing change as well.

Phew.  At least we got that taken care of.  She should fall back asleep now, right?  Wrong.  30 mins. later we hear that familiar sound....another diaper filled!  Off the 3 of us go to the back of the plane to maneuver another diaper change in the teeny bathroom...one person holding the baby and the door open, another changing the diaper.  Man. That's a lot of work.

Back to our seats to relax and 30 mins. later...guess what?  A 3rd diaper change was needed.  Now I realize this blog is dealing with way too much poo lately, but seriously...3 poopy diaper changes on one airline flight was too many for me.  I wondered if it was some kind of "you're on candid camera" kind of joke.  And surely the people sitting behind us must have wondered what was going on after we got up 3 times with a diaper in hand.  I'm guessing it was something to do with the pressure of the ascent because rarely does she have 3 messy diapers a day, and I can't remember ever having 3 so close together.  Well, by this point she was getting fussy and not wanting to sleep, so DH took her back to try and rock her to sleep before returning to the seats.

All in all, not too bad for R's 1st flight.  We survived, and I'm so glad I had DH along to help. 

The flight home was less eventful.  She slept for 2 1/2 of the 3 1/2 hours on my lap, so while various parts of my lower extremities were tingling and numb from not moving, it was relatively easy to survive the 2nd flight.  The filling of the diaper came on the descent, which meant we were able to change the diaper in the "luxury" of a bathroom on the ground.  Ahh...it's the little things.

Next up...her 1st road trip!

Saturday Snapshots

1. It's been rough trying to get back into somewhat of a routine since returning from GA.  My motivation is severely lacking...no...it's absent since we've returned.  I'm not sure why...perhaps I'm just tired.  I'm working on a recap of our trip, but since it's taking longer than expected, I wanted to at least get something up here since I haven't posted in awhile.  Overall, our trip went well.  R traveled amazingly well...she's going to be a little world traveler just like her Mommy:-)

Here's our best attempt at a family photo on her 1st flight.  Excuse our strange attire...burp cloth on DH's shoulder, nursing cover on me, etc.  I think I had just finished nursing her.  The flight attendants were so sweet when they found out it was her 1st flight.  They gave her her "wings."

2. It was so great to see our friends.  Even though we had just seen them in June for R's baptism, it was fun for them to be able to see how she has grown.  And we always love spending time with our Goddaughter.  Things with the prospective job went ok as well.  We're still not sure what's going to happen, but we will know more in the coming weeks.  Still, I can't help continuing to add to the pros and cons list that I have running in my head.  Cons: terrible traffic, humidity, big city; Pros: MOPS groups, more things for R and I to do like play groups, Christian preschools and day schools, better shopping choices, etc.  Praying God makes His direction clear to DH and I as to where He wants us to live and serve Him.

3. As a result of being passed around so much and/or the flight home and/or the change in weather here, R came down with her 1st cold this week.  Poor little girl.  She's been so congested.  We've been doing nose drops every 4 hours and running the humidifier in her room, but it's so awful to have her wake up from sleep with thick boogers coming out her nose.  And then to hear her trying to sniff it down or push it out of her nose is simply awful.

4. The best part of the trip to GA, however, is that R no longer naps in the swing, she is done with the swaddle, AND....ready for the big one...she puts herself to sleep in the crib ALL THE TIME!  Amazing.  Simply amazing.  I cannot tell you how incredible it is to see that she's sleepy, and then put her in the crib and she goes to sleep!  Most of the time, she's asleep within 5-10 minutes.  Sometimes she will cry/wimper for a few minutes.  Other times she will play.  But regardless...she puts herself to sleep!  Wahoo.  I feel like a new woman.  Thank you, Jesus.  I hope to have a separate sleep update done sometime.

5. The trip to GA started our trifecta of fall travel.  We have a quick trip to CO and another to MN coming up this fall.  I'm so glad she traveled well on this first trip, since it was the longest one.  I'm hopeful the others will go equally well.

6. The fall colors are really starting to pop around the hillsides here.  It's just so beautiful.  I'm thinking we're going to try and take some more family pictures with the beautiful mountains.  I'd love to have some shots of us in the mountains...especially if we do end up moving in the near future.  I made DH stop the car on the way home from the airport.  I just had to get out of the car and snap a few photos.

Little cheapy camera, as I affectionately call my travel camera, hardly does justice to the beautiful sights we saw, but still, at least you get some idea.

Have a great weekend y'all!  Hopefully I'll be back to complete some of my other blog posts soon. I think I have 8 or 9 drafts of posts that need to be completed!

The Birth Story: The Final Push

In case you missed it, Part 1 and Part 2.

When they first checked me at the hospital, after trying to do all of the annoying paperwork and questions, I was at a....7!  I looked at my DH in shock.  I couldn't believe it.  I had only been in labor for 3 or 4 hours at home.  And here I was at a 7 already!  I did not think that was possible.  The nurse quickly picked up the pace on things and stopped asking questions.  I got a heparin lock put in (I didn't even feel it) and a bag of fluids for hydration and then our doula arrived.  I can still picture her eyes bulging out of her head when we told her I was at a 7.  They put a fetal heart monitor on to check the baby and then took it off to let me move around, changing positions, doing whatever I could to get comfortable.  

I started getting really hot- I needed my hair pulled back because it was driving me crazy, I needed chapstick for my dry lips, and the doula was great to ask for ice chips and put a cool washcloth on my forehead.  I also had tons of pressure on my belly and um....I don't know a nice way to say it, sorry....my but.t hole.  Oh, so much pressure.  I kept talking about the pressure over and over.  DH and I laugh about it now, but I kept saying over and over how much pressure I had on "my  ...hole."  If you knew me IRL, you would know this is not how I talk in public.  But for whatever reason, I felt it ok to constantly be talking about my ...hole.  

I was constantly shifting positions in the bed and nothing felt good.  I ended up laying on my left side, trying to focus and breathe through the contractions.  DH was using the pasty roller on my legs because they were so tight and crampy (had been all morning).  I just could not get my muscles to relax and I had pain shooting down my legs almost constantly.  It was about at this point that I asked for pain meds and was told there wasn't enough time.  I really wanted something to take the pain away.  The doula was great getting me through that time when I desperately wanted relief from all the pressure and pain I was feeling.

In 45 minutes (by 12:50) I had gone from a 7 to a 9 and my water still had not broken.  In my birth plan, I had said I wanted my water to break on it's own, but the doula agreed this was the only thing keeping me from getting to a 10.  With her advice, I agreed to let them break my water, so that I could progress to a 10.  They grabbed one of the OBs in the hallway (not my OB) to come in and break my water.  Hello, random Dr. sticking a big metal hook thingy up there.  I didn't even care. As soon as he broke my water... sweet relief.  It was such a weird feeling to have all that warm water coming out of me, but it felt so good to have the bag of waters broken.  I instantly had so much relief from the intense pressure on my belly, and I didn't even feel a thing when he broke it.

I started to feel the urge to push, but when they checked me, I wasn't quite at a 10 yet.  There was just a tiny lip of the cervix in the way, so I tried getting on my hands and knees and then laying on both sides to get that lip out of the way and complete the dilation process.  I probably did that for 30 minutes or so.

By 1:20 I still felt really strongly that I needed to push.  My OB came in and said it was OK to try one push to see if I could get past that lip (I still wasn't quite at a 10).   When she felt that I could, she gave me the OK to continue pushing as I wanted to.  She did warn me at that point though, I still had a lot of work ahead of me pushing and it would probably still be an hour.  An hour more!  What!  She left to let me work on the pushing.  (Little did I know I'd have to push for 1 1/2 hours!  Good thing I only thought it was an hour left.)

I was no longer feeling all the pressure and pain that I had before, however, which was nice.  I actually had a little break between my urges to push, and I needed it.  I quickly became tired from the intensity of the pushing.  The doula was invaluable at this point, suggesting different positions that might be effective for pushing. I started with the semi-reclined position with DH and the doula each holding one of my legs, and then she suggested I try adding a birth bar to the bed.  I spent a lot of time in the squat position.  This felt more natural to me, despite the fact I was up squatting up on a hospital bed.

You don't practice pushing before the baby comes, but I just knew how and when I needed to push.  That was the wonder of not being on pain meds.  I was just following what my body was telling me to do, and my instincts guided me through.  Evidently, I was a great pusher.  In addition to trying to push the baby out, I also pushed out everything in my bowels.  That was lovely.  I'm squatting on the bed, trying to get this baby out, and I'm smelling my own poo.  They don't tell you these things before you have a baby!  The nurse kept having to change out the towels or whatever was under me.  Lovely.

Pushing was hard, but DH and the doula were great in helping me use various position to get that baby out.  I also had to take a break between each push because I was quickly tiring out.  In addition to squatting, I also pulled on a towel that was wrapped around the birth bar.  Evidently, I was too strong at this one because they only let me do a few pushes this way before they made me stop!  The doctor was called to come back around 2:30 because the head was crowning.  They broke down the bed and DH and the doula each hold a leg while I pushed when I wanted to.  I thought the head crowning meant the baby was coming in a few minutes, but she was sort of stuck in there a bit.  

I just knew I was going to tear based on how things felt while I was pushing, and I didn't want to feel that.  I thought feeling myself tear down there would be an obstacle to pushing; as in, I didn't think I could push much harder or longer knowing that I was going to tear and feel it.  So once the OB arrived, I asked her immediately to numb the area down there with a local numbing agent.  Out comes this huge needle full of stuff and I didn't even feel it go in.  Maybe I would have been OK without the numbing agent?  I didn't know, but didn't want to take any chances.

The doula asked me if I wanted them to bring a mirror over for me to look at (and hopefully motivate me to keep pushing).  I surprised myself by saying yes.  I saw this head of dark hair...my baby!  She has so much hair the OB was playing with the hair!  Can you believe that? I also saw the blood from the tear, so I told them to get the mirror away after a quick peek!  My girl had dark hair.  I kept thinking of that image of her head almost coming out and I pushed like a mad woman for another 20 minutes.  Her head was stuck/pushing up against my rec.tum, so I had to push her past that.  The OB kept saying, "one more push and she's here."  And I'd push, and push, and push (I was getting 3 pushes in in a row) and nothing.  The OB even tried to stretch my vag. walls with her fingers to see if that would help get her out.

This played out until....finally...at 3:05pm, one final push and she actually did come out.

She was born exactly 3 hours after we had checked in at the hospital!  I couldn't believe it.  What a day and whirlwind 1st birth!  I had successfully (and surprisingly) made it through an entire pregnancy and delivery without throwing up!  Thank you, Jesus.  I hate throwing up, but was fully prepared to endure the worst when pregnant.  I was pleasantly surprised that nausea was the closest I came to vomiting.

They immediately placed her on me and DH got to cut the umbilical cord.  She looked so blue to us, but was screaming up a storm from the get-go, which told me she was perfectly healthy.  One look at her and she was just perfect.  I finally breathed a sigh of relief because even up until the delivery, I was still worried that something was going to be wrong with her.  After our miscarriages, it was still impossible for me to believe that I was going to be a mom and have a healthy child.

When I was ready to have her cleaned up, they took her and cleaned her up.  They did not give her a Hepatitis B shot like they routinely do because I chose to delay that.  They did have to give her a Vitamin K shot and the eye ointment, but when I had asked my OB about it at my last appt., she had said I could just wipe the eye ointment off after it was applied!  But because it was a state law, they had to apply it.  Since I don't have gonorrhea or other STDs, I was quite comfortable wiping the eye ointment off immediately after they applied it!

DH got to hold her for a bit before giving us skin to skin time together and our first attempt at nursing.  She had a strong suck and a decent latch from the beginning.  How did she know how to do it?  That amazed me.  I did need the doula's help to start nursing.  I had no clue what to do, and I had even taken a bre.astfeeding class at the hospital!  

Her apgar scores were 8 and 9...perfectly healthy.  She was 19.5 inches long and 7 lbs 3 oz.  Just a perfect size!  She was so alert, and as she stared into my eyes, I could hardly believe it.  My daughter, our daughter...was looking back at me.  It was almost as if I was dreaming, except I knew I wasn't and this was really happening.

The OB pulled the placenta out.  That was a weird feeling.  It looked weird too...sort of flat, like the size of a paperback book.  That is what kept my baby alive for 9 months?  The OB also stitched me up with needles and "thread" that were entirely too long and course, but I tried not to think about it because I was holding my baby.  They also massaged my uterus...ouch!  That was extremely uncomfortable.

I was surprised R came out quite clean; I expected her to be much more covered in blood, but she wasn't.  Her hands and feet were pruney, but she looked "well-baked" they said.  The rest of her skin was tight, not wrinkly.  We nursed for a bit and then they made us move upstairs at 4:30pm, which was annoying.  I would have preferred to finish nursing before being moved, but our "hour" in Labor and Delivery was up, and I needed to be moved out.  I actually stood up with help and sat in a wheelchair.  They placed my bundled baby on my lap and away we went...down the hallway to the bumpy elevator and up to our mother and baby room.  I could have done without the wheelchair and bumpy ride!

We entered our room where we would stay for the next 2 days.  And it was there that the "adventure" began.

Stay tuned for more about our hospital stay in the next edition of "The Birth Story."

Brain Dump

I have so many random thoughts floating through my brain, I thought I'd "dump" them here and see if that helps.  I can't quite focus enough to finish the next installment of the birth story, but I'm working on it with lots of details.  In the meantime, a bunch of random thoughts by me:

4 months: We had R's 4 month appt. in early Sept.  Her height is 25.5 inches and her weight is 13 lbs 5 oz.  She jumped from 52nd to 89th percentile for height since her 2 month appt. and 27th to 41st percentile for weight!  She's definitely growing, though she still looks slender.  She's taking after her Daddy in the height dept. for sure. He was 5' 11'' in 6th or 7th grade, and then never grew more after that.


Watermark on photos: Does any one know how to do a watermark on pictures I've taken?  I want to upload some new ones of R, but I'm getting more sensitive about protecting her privacy.  I don't want to make this blog private, so I'd rather figure out how to put something on all the pictures I post, so some weirdo can't do stuff with them.  Maybe I'm overprotective, but it's what I'm comfortable with.


House hunting: It's so weird to be looking at houses to get an idea for what's available in a new place.  I'd like to drive around some neighborhoods when we make the on-site visit, so I'm checking them out now and having my BFF drive around to narrow down the choices for once we are in town.  Such a weird feeling.  I don't want to assume DH will get the job and we decide to move, but at the same time, since we're going to be in the new place for a visit, it makes sense to look at what is available, and since it is a large metro area, there is a lot available.


Prayer: My prayer is that "God's direction for DH and I becomes obvious so it becomes an easy decision to make."  It's in quotes because this is what someone else emailed me that she was praying for us.  I thought it was the perfect prayer, so I've shared it with others asking to pray regarding the visit and potential move.


Peaches: The last several weeks the peaches have been fabulous around here.  Oh my!  They are so incredibly juicy; I just can't get enough.  We bought a 1/2 bushel and ate or froze most of them.  Now I'm wishing we had gotten more because the season is almost done.  They just don't compare to store bought peaches at all.


Fall: Fall is quite possible my favorite season or at least right up there with late spring when everything is green and all of the flowers are coming up. I love the cool fall nights (we've been in the 40s here) and warm days (80s), the changing of the leaves, the fall smells and tastes, and more.


Hair loss: My hair stylist warned me that 3-6 months post-partum would bring lots of hair loss, but man, it's a little crazy.  Evidently, my hair is making up for the time that it didn't shed during pregnancy.  Now it's losing a ton.  Wonder when it will stop falling out?


Stockpiling on hold: I'm big into couponing and stocking up on things when they are on sale.  I'm currently exercising restraint not to buy any more toiletries and pantry food items at the moment.  If we do move in the near future, I don't want to lose that.  It's killing me though to pass up on some great deals for deodorant, contact solution, men's razors, etc.  Plus, we've been trying to actually eat through our pantry, so our grocery budget has been under budget (probably the 1st time ever), which means it would be the perfect time to stock up.


Working part-time: It seems to be going OK.  I won't say I love it, but we're making due.  On Mondays and Wednesdays, I leave the house by 10am, drive to the building I teach in (bought my 1st ever faculty parking pass!) and am back home by 11:45.  R does well with DH giving her a bottle if she needs it.  She's started taking a long morning nap (Hallelujah!), so sometimes she just sleeps the whole time I'm gone.  On Fridays, I leave at 10am, teach, and then go to the office to print out all the papers and activities for the following week.  The rest of the planning and grading papers I do at home.  I'm tired on the days I teach, but it has made me be much more disciplined with my time at home, so as a result, I feel like I'm getting a lot more done.  I'm glad it's going well, but I'm still undecided if I will teach a class next term or not.


Photo mania: It's been photo mania around here.  I had a bunch of photo cards for a Ritz camera store, and since our affiliated one just announced it's going out of business in town (along with a bunch of others), I was strongly encouraged by the store manager to use them all up ASAP.  So what did I do last week?  Had 825 4 x 6 prints made.  Yep...I needed a large bag to carry all of them out of the store!


I think those are all of my random thoughts for the week!  Hope y'all had a great weekend.

The Birth Story: Part 2: The Impending Signs

Thanks to Jenny for letting me know one person still wants to read the rest of my birth story.  I actually wrote down thoughts and events from our birth story right after it happened, so here are some of my thoughts and more details.

In case you missed it (or forgot since it's been so long):
The Birth Story: Part 1: Preparing for Labor

A few days before R was born, I slept fabulously...like the best sleep in a long time during the pregnancy.  I also rested and took several naps in those days leading up to the delivery.  It was as if my body knew what was coming and was starting to prepare.  It probably also helped that I finished the teaching term on Friday and the work in our basement was completed as well, so I could finally relax.  I went for my 39 week appt. on Tuesday and was only dilated to 2 cm and effaced 85%.  This wasn't much change from when I had been check at my 36 week appt. (dilated 1.5 cm, effaced 80%).  I was actually disappointed more progress hadn't been made in 3 weeks because I felt like things were moving along.

So I had 2 great nights of sleep and several naps on Monday and Tuesday, and then I had energy like none other on Wednesday.  DH and I did a photo shoot for a local jam company that day, and I really went to work organizing the laundry room Weds. night.  I went to bed that evening just feeling different.  The baby was moving differently.  Not differently in a scary, bad sort of way, but just different.  Though I couldn't quite put my finger on it, she seemed more active.  I told DH I wasn't sure what would happen the next day....

I woke up at 4:00 am to use the bathroom and saw pink spotting.  This wasn't so alarming because I had had pink spotting periodically for the past 3 weeks.  But it did seem to be a larger amount of pink mucus.  I tried to go back to sleep and woke up at 6:00 am with back pain.  I thought I had overdone it working in the laundry room the night before.  Again, the back pain was not anything unusual because my back had been bothering me most of the pregnancy.  I'd put a heating pad on and it would usually get better.  But this time the back pain seemed to be coming and going and my usual remedies didn't seem to help.  As I continued to lay in bed and rest, I started asking DH what time it was.  Finally, after a few times of doing that, he figured out what I was doing.  I was timing my back pain.  It was coming in approximately 10 minute increments.  Maybe those were contractions?  I wasn't sure.

I decided to get up and get ready for the day.  DH went to work and I emailed our doula at 7:30am to tell her what was going on and to be on alert that day.  She said to go about my daily routine, do what I had planned to do that day (not much since I was done working), and to go for a walk.  I did a few things around the house and then decided to take a bath and see if I could get my back to relax.  I still wasn't sure I was having contractions or in labor at this point.

Well, the bath didn't seem to help.  I was worried because DH was at work, and I couldn't really concentrate or focus enough to try and time my back pain again.  I started to panic a little bit.  I called him around 9:00 am and told him to come home.  I needed him at home with me.  By this point, I think I had finally figured out I was in labor.  I was still feeling it mainly in my back, but sometimes the pain would come around to the front.  We timed contractions and they were coming closer than every 10 minutes, but they still were at unpredictable intervals.  I made him call our doula again around 10:00 am because it was no longer comfortable for me to walk, and I could not relax enough to make the back pain go away.

The doula came over shortly after and tried to help ease my back pain through her comfort measures and relaxation techniques.  I used the exercise ball a lot and also had them both massage my back with a foam roller.  I was also laying on my left side and kneeling at the couch at times as well.  She also made me eat a little bit (peanut butter toast with a banana) as I hadn't eaten anything that day.  She said it was probably going to be a long day because at my last OB appointment 2 days prior, I'd only been dilated to 2 cm and 85% effaced.  The doula guessed I was at a 2 1/2 or 3 at that point.

I increasingly felt myself beginning to focus more on myself and not talk to others through the contractions.  I knew this was the next part of labor, but I remember thinking to myself, "Am I faking this to pretend I'm farther along in the labor process than I really am?"  Funny what thoughts go through your head, huh?  I actually spent time analyzing whether my thoughts were real or fake.  Ha, ha.  I then began to just sense that I needed to go to the hospital.   I can't explain why, but I just had this instinct.  I was actually thinking I needed to go to the hospital 30 minutes prior to when I actually said something though.  I delayed speaking up because I didn't want them to think I was a wimp about pain, and surely labor was going to be hours and hours long, right?

It seemed liked the contractions started coming closer and closer together where I hardly had a break between them, yet they were still at pretty irregular intervals and still in my back.  It finally got to the point where I couldn't imagine sitting in the car for 10 minutes, so we agreed to head to the hospital.  Right before we left for the hospital, I had to use the restroom again.  I passed a big, red mucusy strand thingy (maybe my mucus plug?  Still unsure on that one).  I told the doula and she said it was time to go.

Originally, DH and I had a plan to let friends and family know we were on our way to the hospital, so they could be praying, but everything happened so quickly we didn't have time to do that at home!  I had even planned to update my blog before heading to the hospital, but that just seemed like too much work with DH and the doula there.  I didn't even have the energy or focus to turn on the computer.

Our doula had to run home and get her overnight bag, and DH drove me to the hospital, in what quickly became the most uncomfortable car ride ever.  At one point, I unbuckled my seat belt because I just couldn't get comfortable, and DH thought for sure I was jumping out of the car.  ha, ha.  Uh no...that would only lengthen the amount of time it would take to get to the hospital, dear.

We parked and slowly walked into the hospital.  I had to stop a few times to get through the contractions, and I remember thinking, this is how it is in the movies!  Again, I questioned myself in my head if I was being overly dramatic.  It was 12:05pm when we got to the hospital and checked in.  Actually, DH checked me in while I walked back to a room.  They took me back to a room and started the long, slow process of asking what seemed like a million questions.  I just wanted the nurse to hurry up and check me as I was so extremely uncomfortable.  She noted my stats from the OB appointment 2 days before, that this was my 1st baby, etc.  We also made sure she had a copy of our birth plan at this point, and she was extremely receptive to following it.  (Even though the birth plan was in my file, we came prepared with extra copies:-)

Finally, the nurse could tell I was quite uncomfortable and decided to check me.  I was at a......

Stay tuned for Part 3!  Coming soon, I promise.