Lately, I've had a major case of the blahs. I don't really know when the funk started, but I haven't really liked who I've been lately. Ever had that happen to you?
It probably all started some time over the summer with the busy-ness of everything, but I don't think I realized it until just recently. I've been in a major funk and wondered if I might be dealing with some depression, low thyroid, and/or adrenal stress. I gained 5 pounds over the summer (probably due to poor diet) and am not sleeping as much as I should be (I'm a night owl and R has been waking at 5:30 or 5:45 lately). We finally got our scale set up, which confirmed what I already knew about my weight since I have very few pants or shorts that fit. I'm mad that I haven't watched what I've been eating as much, and I haven't been exercising much at all. I blame it on the heat and humidity (seriously, who wants to exercise when you're sweating before even beginning?), but really it's been my lack of discipline and self-control.
And I've been seriously lacking in the motivation department as well. We still have tons of boxes to unpack and then all the decorating I want to do to make it our own home. But I don't have the drive to get it done, and DH isn't naturally motivated to do house projects when he gets home unless I nag/gently remind him.
As a result of it all, I decided it's time to find a new doctor in the area. I last saw my Napro Dr. in June...as in June 2012. Yikes! That's terrible. Aside from an urgent care trip here and there, I have not been to a doctor in 15 months! It's time to get back into that routine for my health, but also the health of my family.
For you see, when I'm in a funk, it effects the whole family. I'm less patient with R, more short-tempered with DH, and I'm just overall not fun to be around. I do not like that about myself and hate that those closest to me are the ones who suffer most when I'm not doing well. That needs to change. I want it to change, especially before R gets any older.
I was excited to find a Napro Dr. super close by, but I've heard mixed reviews on her and how much she actually practices/keeps up with Napro right now. The next closest one is 3 hours away, and I'm just not sure that distance is realistic for me at the moment. With a toddler that's nursing and still taking 2 naps a day, I can't just leave her behind, and I'm not sure I'm up for a roadtrip and 1st doctor's appt. with her by myself. So I'm mulling over my options...see the local Dr now to just get in and get a feel for how well I connect with her and her proposed treatment plan or take the plunge and go directly to the up to date Napro Dr (who has a few months wait time for an appt).
But then even thinking about going back to a Dr starts to freak me out a bit because I'm reminded of our whole journey with Napro...all the tests....the waiting....the blood draws every cycle....and I'm so not ready or interested to go down that road again. Perhaps (most likely) it's my fear and anxiety. I'm not ready to TTC for #2 (well technically this would be #4) yet, but at 35 years old, I feel like I should be soon. I worry about how bad my health is right now given the lack of exercise and poor diet. Thanks to PCOS, I'm sure my hormones are all over the place. I get anxious thinking about if we'll even be able to have another child. I'm fearful of a 3rd miscarriage.
And yet I want our family to grow. I want R to have a sibling (or more). I've always envisioned our family being at least 4, but never 3. Who knows...maybe adoption is on our horizon as the means through which God grows our family (my husband wants to foster and/or adopt at some point), but right now my heart is not there. I long for another child of our own. Thankfully, God has it all under control in His infinite wisdom; it's just waiting for it to be revealed that is still hard for me.
Just as all the anxiety about choosing a doctor, and tests, and health threatened to overwhelm me, I started a new women's Bible study for the school year. It was perfect timing for me as exactly what I needed. Studying God's Word always helps me gain the proper perspective, have hope and peace, and lessen the anxiety I get from worrying. This is an international Bible study where people around the world all study the same subject and same format with a group in their location. I have longed to be a part of this Bible study for years (actually since 2001 when I first heard about it living in China...crazy, right?), but I have never lived in an area that had a study group close by....until this year! I finally got to sign up and we are studying the book of Matthew all year!
Basically, we read a chapter in Matthew a week, answer study questions designed to be done over 6 days, and then get together with a small group to share our answers and hear a lecture on the material. I joined a day study, which means R comes with me for the children's program portion of it where she has her teachers lead her in a simplified (very simplified) version of what I'm learning along with sing hymns together, pray, etc. I love that even at such a young age she is hearing the Bible and singing hymns! Well, she's probably just listening to the singing now, but at the end of the year in May, I imagine she will be singing along. It is never too young to start training up a child in the faith, in my opinion. Proverbs 22:6 speaks to the importance of the training of children (I apply this to our Godchildren as well).
The thing that I've really appreciated (and we're only 2 weeks into the study) is that I've had to get back some of my self-discipline that has been lost for awhile. Most days the homework takes at least 20 minutes of reading and reflecting, and for me to get the most out of the material, I need to do it earlier in the day rather than in the evening. So it means I get to practice better time management. This is a good thing for me. I love that I'm spending time in the Word every day. I already feel like my spirits are higher and my mood is brighter, even though nothing has changed with my uncertainties, fears, or worries. But somehow, reading God's Word makes those fears become less and makes me focus on the things that are important (the things that matter for eternity). He promises that His Word doesn't return empty (Isaiah 55:10) and the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12).
We have access to a living word! That is pretty amazing. I don't know why I let so many things clutter my mind and suck away my time. I don't know why I place reading God's Word by the wayside. It took me awhile to figure out what was out of sync in my life, but I'm so glad I figured it out and am back on track with weekly Bible study and daily time in the Word. So my cure for getting out of a funk? Time in God's Word.
It probably all started some time over the summer with the busy-ness of everything, but I don't think I realized it until just recently. I've been in a major funk and wondered if I might be dealing with some depression, low thyroid, and/or adrenal stress. I gained 5 pounds over the summer (probably due to poor diet) and am not sleeping as much as I should be (I'm a night owl and R has been waking at 5:30 or 5:45 lately). We finally got our scale set up, which confirmed what I already knew about my weight since I have very few pants or shorts that fit. I'm mad that I haven't watched what I've been eating as much, and I haven't been exercising much at all. I blame it on the heat and humidity (seriously, who wants to exercise when you're sweating before even beginning?), but really it's been my lack of discipline and self-control.
And I've been seriously lacking in the motivation department as well. We still have tons of boxes to unpack and then all the decorating I want to do to make it our own home. But I don't have the drive to get it done, and DH isn't naturally motivated to do house projects when he gets home unless I nag/gently remind him.
As a result of it all, I decided it's time to find a new doctor in the area. I last saw my Napro Dr. in June...as in June 2012. Yikes! That's terrible. Aside from an urgent care trip here and there, I have not been to a doctor in 15 months! It's time to get back into that routine for my health, but also the health of my family.
For you see, when I'm in a funk, it effects the whole family. I'm less patient with R, more short-tempered with DH, and I'm just overall not fun to be around. I do not like that about myself and hate that those closest to me are the ones who suffer most when I'm not doing well. That needs to change. I want it to change, especially before R gets any older.
I was excited to find a Napro Dr. super close by, but I've heard mixed reviews on her and how much she actually practices/keeps up with Napro right now. The next closest one is 3 hours away, and I'm just not sure that distance is realistic for me at the moment. With a toddler that's nursing and still taking 2 naps a day, I can't just leave her behind, and I'm not sure I'm up for a roadtrip and 1st doctor's appt. with her by myself. So I'm mulling over my options...see the local Dr now to just get in and get a feel for how well I connect with her and her proposed treatment plan or take the plunge and go directly to the up to date Napro Dr (who has a few months wait time for an appt).
But then even thinking about going back to a Dr starts to freak me out a bit because I'm reminded of our whole journey with Napro...all the tests....the waiting....the blood draws every cycle....and I'm so not ready or interested to go down that road again. Perhaps (most likely) it's my fear and anxiety. I'm not ready to TTC for #2 (well technically this would be #4) yet, but at 35 years old, I feel like I should be soon. I worry about how bad my health is right now given the lack of exercise and poor diet. Thanks to PCOS, I'm sure my hormones are all over the place. I get anxious thinking about if we'll even be able to have another child. I'm fearful of a 3rd miscarriage.
And yet I want our family to grow. I want R to have a sibling (or more). I've always envisioned our family being at least 4, but never 3. Who knows...maybe adoption is on our horizon as the means through which God grows our family (my husband wants to foster and/or adopt at some point), but right now my heart is not there. I long for another child of our own. Thankfully, God has it all under control in His infinite wisdom; it's just waiting for it to be revealed that is still hard for me.
Just as all the anxiety about choosing a doctor, and tests, and health threatened to overwhelm me, I started a new women's Bible study for the school year. It was perfect timing for me as exactly what I needed. Studying God's Word always helps me gain the proper perspective, have hope and peace, and lessen the anxiety I get from worrying. This is an international Bible study where people around the world all study the same subject and same format with a group in their location. I have longed to be a part of this Bible study for years (actually since 2001 when I first heard about it living in China...crazy, right?), but I have never lived in an area that had a study group close by....until this year! I finally got to sign up and we are studying the book of Matthew all year!
Basically, we read a chapter in Matthew a week, answer study questions designed to be done over 6 days, and then get together with a small group to share our answers and hear a lecture on the material. I joined a day study, which means R comes with me for the children's program portion of it where she has her teachers lead her in a simplified (very simplified) version of what I'm learning along with sing hymns together, pray, etc. I love that even at such a young age she is hearing the Bible and singing hymns! Well, she's probably just listening to the singing now, but at the end of the year in May, I imagine she will be singing along. It is never too young to start training up a child in the faith, in my opinion. Proverbs 22:6 speaks to the importance of the training of children (I apply this to our Godchildren as well).
The thing that I've really appreciated (and we're only 2 weeks into the study) is that I've had to get back some of my self-discipline that has been lost for awhile. Most days the homework takes at least 20 minutes of reading and reflecting, and for me to get the most out of the material, I need to do it earlier in the day rather than in the evening. So it means I get to practice better time management. This is a good thing for me. I love that I'm spending time in the Word every day. I already feel like my spirits are higher and my mood is brighter, even though nothing has changed with my uncertainties, fears, or worries. But somehow, reading God's Word makes those fears become less and makes me focus on the things that are important (the things that matter for eternity). He promises that His Word doesn't return empty (Isaiah 55:10) and the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12).
We have access to a living word! That is pretty amazing. I don't know why I let so many things clutter my mind and suck away my time. I don't know why I place reading God's Word by the wayside. It took me awhile to figure out what was out of sync in my life, but I'm so glad I figured it out and am back on track with weekly Bible study and daily time in the Word. So my cure for getting out of a funk? Time in God's Word.
Praying for you. Decisions are always hard!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I think I've already made one...well, at least a 1st step to try!
DeleteHow wonderful that you are feeling better! God helps us in so many different ways, it's such a blessing to find peace in His word. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteAmen! Thank you.
DeleteGreat cure! It is always great to dive deep, but to be able to do it with others is a huge blessing.
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy and get a lot out of your Matthew study. I did one a few years ago in a similar format (24 weeks, a chapter or two a week, video lecture, and then questions for small group), and it was amazing. I swear we spent more time in the Old Testament learning all the references made in Matthew that Jesus's Jewish audience would have known but we (2000 years later) don't. I still have all my notes, and I would redo the same study in a heartbeat because there was so much to learn. I'm excited for you. :)
ReplyDelete