I have so many thoughts floating around in my head, I'm afraid I'm going to run out of time before I can post them. I am working on a post about trusting God. Hopefully, I will have processed through that soon. Lately, my sleep has been getting worse, and it seems when I'm awake until 1am or from 4-6am, God really has been speaking to me about so many different things. Last night, I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I got my iPod and started listening through some of my Christian songs. I realized that I had not listened to some of the playlists in a long time, and some of the songs brought tears flowing because of where we've been on this IF, miscarriage, and now pregnancy journey. I tried not to cry too loudly because DH was still sleeping next to me, but I was just overwhelmed with emotions- guilt, unworthiness, joy, etc.
But- to the topics of the post. Pregnancy vocabulary. It's a whole new world of learning for me. I'd heard of dilation and effacement before, but Bishop's score, engagement, heparin or saline lock, bloody show, etc. were all new. Here's where they fit in. Two weeks ago at my 36 week OB appointment, I had the first cervical check. I wrote about how awful that was and how freaked out I got by the OB's news that she thought this baby was coming early.
Last week, I found out exactly what prompted her to say she didn't think I would make it to my due date. These were my stats at 36 weeks:
dilation (how open the cervix is from 0-10 cm): 1.5 cm
effacement (how thinned out the cervix is from 0-100%): 80%
engagement (where baby's head is in relation to the spine from -5 to +5 where -5 is 5 cm above the spine/a floating head, 0 is engaged, and +5 is 5 cm below or crowning right before delivery): +1
Bishop's score (0-13 where a low score means labor probably won't start on its own without induction and a 9 or higher means labor will most likely start on it's own with a successful vaginal birth): 9
My numbers are in bold. You can see that things certainly seemed to be moving towards labor in my body. But they are just a bunch of numbers, and since this is the 1st baby I will birth, some of these changes happen 2-4 weeks before delivery. No one knows when a baby will arrive, so it was her best guess. After freaking out some, DH and I were able to finish the last items on our must-do list like pack our hospital bags, find a pediatrician, write our birth plan, and meet with our doula. I tried to rest and take it easy when I wasn't at work.
And then we went in last week for my 37 week appointment and asked her not to check me, which she was completely fine with. We talked about our birth plan, which she was also ok with. We said we were fine with Baby coming whenever he/she was ready. Wednesday I woke up to spotting and sort of freaked, but I could tell Baby had moved lower. The nurse confirmed that capillaries do burst down there and usually it's a sign of dilation and can be the bloody show you hear people talk about. Still, who likes to spot during the end of pregnancy and all day long? I wish someone would have told me these things, and no, nothing was done to irritate my cervix, so it was just my body spotting on it's own.
I felt really good most of this past week (Thursday-Sunday) and thought, oh no, I'm nesting and this baby is coming soon. Today (Tuesday) I woke up to spotting yet again (can you have 2 bloody shows or continuous shows?) and tons of pelvic pressure. Either Baby scooted back out some over the weekend, which is why I felt good, or I just got used to it and today he/she inched closer to exiting. I'm not sure, but I asked the OB again today at the 38 week appointment to not check me. My body is definitely working towards labor and I really don't want to know how much I've progressed because what does it change? This is coming from someone who loves having all the information and details...I keep track of all my numbers from every appointment (baby's heart rate, fundal height, weight, blood pressure, etc.)...but I don't want to know the dilation, effacement, or engagement at this point. Crazy, huh?
Two weeks ago we didn't think we'd make it to this 38 week appointment and we did. I will say I feel closer to labor today than I did then though. I've spotted pink quite a bit all day long today, I can hardly walk because of where Baby's head is in my pelvis, and I've had contractions off and on all day. This formerly broken/IF body is getting ready to birth a baby...incredible!
We still don't have any idea of when real labor will start, but chances are we are close. I'm trusting God to work out the timing of it all (I'd still like to finish my last days of work this week, our doula has final exams next week, DH has work things Friday and Sunday). I don't know what the labor process or time in the hospital will look like, but I'm starting to get a picture of the end result (healthy baby in arms). I am trusting God for everything that will take place in the middle. Amazingly, I seem to be calm with not knowing and not being able to plan. That is a gift from above.
And finally....maternity pictures. These were taken the end of March at 34 1/2 weeks. I wasn't sure we were even going to get pictures taken because I was so unorganized and didn't plan ahead because we were busy with Lent, house projects, and dad's visit. All the photographers I contacted were already booked and most recommended having pictures taken no later than 35 weeks. I was starting to stress out about the high cost of the photographers that were still available (hundreds of dollars and you have to buy all your prints from them) and happened upon this one that was really cheap. I wasn't totally in love with her photos like some of the other photographers, but I figured we'd get at least one good photo (yes, that was my expectation) to have to preserve this time.
I contacted her and we were able to meet within the week. She scoped out an amazing spot and we had the most beautiful spring night to be outside. The scenery was incredible and exactly the thing I love about living here. We took so many different shots and ended up liking much more than just 1. In fact, most of the images she edited and gave us on the CD turned out great. And we only paid $50. Seriously! Thanks, God, for taking care of that one. Our expectations were far exceeded.
Here are just a few of our favorites.
Photo credit goes to Amy W. Photography.
DH and I reading "Guess How Much I Love You."
Silhouette
Walking the tracks
I love this one...DH, Me, Baby, water, and mountains.
Beautiful scenery less than 10 minutes from our house!
I still sort of freak out when I look at these pictures or catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm pregnant. I really am! My almost 34 year old body, that I have had numerous problems and frustrations with, is growing a baby...a real, living, breathing human being. Thank you, God, for this gift. It truly is a gift from you.
But- to the topics of the post. Pregnancy vocabulary. It's a whole new world of learning for me. I'd heard of dilation and effacement before, but Bishop's score, engagement, heparin or saline lock, bloody show, etc. were all new. Here's where they fit in. Two weeks ago at my 36 week OB appointment, I had the first cervical check. I wrote about how awful that was and how freaked out I got by the OB's news that she thought this baby was coming early.
Last week, I found out exactly what prompted her to say she didn't think I would make it to my due date. These were my stats at 36 weeks:
dilation (how open the cervix is from 0-10 cm): 1.5 cm
effacement (how thinned out the cervix is from 0-100%): 80%
engagement (where baby's head is in relation to the spine from -5 to +5 where -5 is 5 cm above the spine/a floating head, 0 is engaged, and +5 is 5 cm below or crowning right before delivery): +1
Bishop's score (0-13 where a low score means labor probably won't start on its own without induction and a 9 or higher means labor will most likely start on it's own with a successful vaginal birth): 9
And then we went in last week for my 37 week appointment and asked her not to check me, which she was completely fine with. We talked about our birth plan, which she was also ok with. We said we were fine with Baby coming whenever he/she was ready. Wednesday I woke up to spotting and sort of freaked, but I could tell Baby had moved lower. The nurse confirmed that capillaries do burst down there and usually it's a sign of dilation and can be the bloody show you hear people talk about. Still, who likes to spot during the end of pregnancy and all day long? I wish someone would have told me these things, and no, nothing was done to irritate my cervix, so it was just my body spotting on it's own.
I felt really good most of this past week (Thursday-Sunday) and thought, oh no, I'm nesting and this baby is coming soon. Today (Tuesday) I woke up to spotting yet again (can you have 2 bloody shows or continuous shows?) and tons of pelvic pressure. Either Baby scooted back out some over the weekend, which is why I felt good, or I just got used to it and today he/she inched closer to exiting. I'm not sure, but I asked the OB again today at the 38 week appointment to not check me. My body is definitely working towards labor and I really don't want to know how much I've progressed because what does it change? This is coming from someone who loves having all the information and details...I keep track of all my numbers from every appointment (baby's heart rate, fundal height, weight, blood pressure, etc.)...but I don't want to know the dilation, effacement, or engagement at this point. Crazy, huh?
Two weeks ago we didn't think we'd make it to this 38 week appointment and we did. I will say I feel closer to labor today than I did then though. I've spotted pink quite a bit all day long today, I can hardly walk because of where Baby's head is in my pelvis, and I've had contractions off and on all day. This formerly broken/IF body is getting ready to birth a baby...incredible!
We still don't have any idea of when real labor will start, but chances are we are close. I'm trusting God to work out the timing of it all (I'd still like to finish my last days of work this week, our doula has final exams next week, DH has work things Friday and Sunday). I don't know what the labor process or time in the hospital will look like, but I'm starting to get a picture of the end result (healthy baby in arms). I am trusting God for everything that will take place in the middle. Amazingly, I seem to be calm with not knowing and not being able to plan. That is a gift from above.
And finally....maternity pictures. These were taken the end of March at 34 1/2 weeks. I wasn't sure we were even going to get pictures taken because I was so unorganized and didn't plan ahead because we were busy with Lent, house projects, and dad's visit. All the photographers I contacted were already booked and most recommended having pictures taken no later than 35 weeks. I was starting to stress out about the high cost of the photographers that were still available (hundreds of dollars and you have to buy all your prints from them) and happened upon this one that was really cheap. I wasn't totally in love with her photos like some of the other photographers, but I figured we'd get at least one good photo (yes, that was my expectation) to have to preserve this time.
I contacted her and we were able to meet within the week. She scoped out an amazing spot and we had the most beautiful spring night to be outside. The scenery was incredible and exactly the thing I love about living here. We took so many different shots and ended up liking much more than just 1. In fact, most of the images she edited and gave us on the CD turned out great. And we only paid $50. Seriously! Thanks, God, for taking care of that one. Our expectations were far exceeded.
Here are just a few of our favorites.
Photo credit goes to Amy W. Photography.
I still sort of freak out when I look at these pictures or catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I'm pregnant. I really am! My almost 34 year old body, that I have had numerous problems and frustrations with, is growing a baby...a real, living, breathing human being. Thank you, God, for this gift. It truly is a gift from you.
