Trip Re-Cap

Well, finally here's a brief recap from our travel weekend.  Thankfully, we were both well enough to fly.  It sure was iffy the days leading up to the trip.  I was so worried about my ears being plugged and painful, and while they were still a little plugged, they weren't painful- PTL!  My husband caught my cold, however, before the trip, and had to deal with majorly plugged ears.  Poor guy.  He can't catch any breaks this pregnancy.

We got in on a Thursday night, my dad picked us up, and we headed to my Grandma's new place where we would be spending the weekend.  We were able to stay in a guest suite right next door to her apartment, which was a perfect location for all of our events of the weekend.  Plus, we enjoyed the extra time with her.  Breakfast every morning was down in her cafeteria with the 55+ crowd.

The rest of the days and evenings were filled with family time.  The most exciting part was meeting our new niece for the first time.  This is my little brother's 1st baby and the 1st grandchild on my side of the family.  You may remember all of my jealous emotions when his wife announced their pregnancy to me last year.  Sad to say, I probably would have still had a hard time with the baby if it weren't for our own growing baby inside.  But amazingly, I wasn't jealous and didn't even think about that while we were there.

DH did a lot of this:

We started calling him the "baby whisperer" because he was so good at calming down little G.  I seriously can't wait until he puts those skills to use on our baby.  What a blessing that will be!

Friday we went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house to look at some of the things Grandma wanted me/us to have.  It was really strange seeing the house so empty and free of their things.  It hardly looked like my grandparent's house that I remember.  The last time I visited MN I stayed with her at her house in October, so my family has really done a lot of work since then to get the house ready to sell. (Grandma only moved out of her house late October.)

I have many, many things of Grandma's, but nothing of Grandpa's, so DH and I went to the basement to see what we could find.  My Grandpa was an avid fisherman and hunter, so he had lots of duck pictures on the wall.  It was also his work area with all his tools, etc.  We found a picture we liked that we thought would look nice displayed in our house, so Grandma said we could have it.  After we took it off the wall and inspected it closer, we noticed the artist had signed his name below a fish with ichthus written in Greek inside it.  What a cool reminder of Grandpa and our shared faith with him (a lot of my family is unchurched).

Then we had lunch with my dad, Grandma, and Aunt, which was fun and relaxing.  We took naps because DH and I were both tired and still a little weary from our colds, then we headed to my parents house to celebrate my little brother's birthday.  It was fun to be in town for a birthday celebration.

Saturday morning we had a little crisis at Grandma's.  Before we met her to go down for breakfast, she'd been cleaning around her apartment and dumped her trash and recycling.  She couldn't find her keys any where, so she thought she dumped them down the chute.  We helped her search and then we tried to talk with the management to get an extra set of keys.  They didn't have an extra set and she was hysterical because we had so many plans that weekend where we would need to lock her room, but also get in to help prepare for 2 parties to be held at her place.  I suggested we go down to the dumpsters and DH saved the day by dumpster diving for her keys!  He first climbed up in the recycling one, and of course the keys weren't there.  Then he climbed into the huge garbage one and there they were!  Phew.  Major disaster adverted.  DH maintains hero status in Grandma's eyes:-)

Then we helped dad book a plane ticket to come visit us next month and help prepare the nursery.  More on that later, but dad is not a big fan of flying (he's been on a plane 3 times in his life) and this will be his first solo plane ride!!  So excited.  We helped set up for the baptism party and then went to the church for the baptism.  This was a huge answer to prayer because little brother and SIL haven't been to a church since their wedding 2 1/2 years ago.  The fact that they wanted to get their child baptized and found a place to worship on their own is amazing!  They are going as a family regularly and are excited to get more involved.

Here's the little family after the baptism.  Welcome to God's family, G!

Here's our niece.  Seriously, I could eat this girl up she is so stinking cute.  She's 11 or 12 weeks in this picture and an absolute doll.  Every time I talked to her or played with her she would smile at me.  I could eat her up.  If our child is half this cute, I will have no problem staring at him/her all day long.

Sunday afternoon was our baby shower.  I don't have any pictures yet since I left that up to one of my aunts.  My other aunt did such a great job planning a couples shower since it's not often that both DH and I are in town.  The guys were good sports as it was the first baby shower for most of them.  It was so fun to see family that I haven't seen for awhile, and my aunt also let me invite a few friends from high school and college that I still keep in touch with.  She had everyone bring their favorite children's book for Baby as part of their gift.  This was perfect since DH and I are such book lovers.  It was so fun to see the books people brought and we had fun reading all of them once we returned home!  It was so fun to be able to celebrate this Baby with dear friends and family.  Something I never thought we'd be able to do.

After the shower, we had a bit more family time before everyone took off.  We stayed and talked with Dad and Grandma for awhile about mom.  Dad has tried to get her to go to marriage counseling with him, but she only has one hour free during the week (that's what she told him) and I think he's pretty much given up on trying to repair the marriage. 

I didn't mention mom much in my re-cap, but she was out of control the weekend we were home.  I'm sure she was excited to see us, but every time she opened her mouth it was to talk about herself, blame someone for something, give unsolicited advice, or put someone down.  She even managed to blame dad for his father's death because she claims she knew Grandpa was sick long before he went to the doctor and she told dad about it.  Whatever.  She had Grandma in tears over that and that was just one example from among many where she just doesn't know how to appropriately talk with people without puffing herself up.  I've long said she has a mental illness that needs serious treatment before there's any hope or chance of a semi-normal relationship with her.  On this trip, DH made the comment that he thought she was demon-possessed!  I've never heard him say that about anyone, but he usually can be pretty good at discerning people, so I don't discredit his comment, I'm just not sure what to do with it.  We have some serious boundary-setting to do before Baby gets old enough to talk with her.

Monday morning we were homeward bound.  Thankfully, everything fit into our carry-on luggage (people were very considerate of our travel needs by giving gift cards) and we made it home without a problem.  I'm so thankful for the time we had with my family, and I'm not sure when we'll be traveling to see them again.  We had lots of I'm thinking I'd like for Grandma to meet Baby in the fall if we're up for traveling then, but it's way too early to tell.

A Song For My Waiting Friends and Another for Mommies

I heard both of these songs tonight and I just had to share them with you.  Music so speaks to my soul and both of these songs I can relate to.

For my waiting friends:

This song is called "Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz.  I found the words to be so true as they spoke to my various seasons of waiting...waiting for a spouse, waiting for a pregnancy, waiting to keep a pregnancy, etc.

May you surrender to the One who has "a much better purpose and a far greater plan and a much bigger perspective."  And May you praise Him all of your days.

For my mommy friends:

This song is called "Remember This" by Beth Champion Mason.  She waited years for a son, and this is her song written about the moment he was placed in her arms.  I'm not sure if she adopted or had him naturally, but regardless of how he came into her family, if you have a son or a daughter that you've waited years, this song will speak to you.

May you enjoy each moment of your baby's life!

Quick Takes (19): Pregnancy Edition

--- 1 ---

This week marked 28 weeks or the beginning of 3rd trimester!  I honestly cannot believe we have made it to this point.  The pregnancy still feels so surreal to me.  Even as my belly continues to grow and as I feel those precious little movements inside, I still wonder, "When am I going to wake up from this dream?"  I don't think I've fully wrapped my mind around the fact that we will (God willing) be bringing a baby home to our formerly IF house before too long.  I'm not sure if that's because the concept is too foreign to me or if I don't want to let me heart get too excited for fear of that not happening.  (I think it's the later and my heart is still scared and scarred somewhat.)

--- 2 ---

Up until this week, I've felt pretty good (physically) regarding the pregnancy.  (Emotionally, on the other hand, has been another story.)  I've tried to maintain an exercise routine and eat healthy, but I am starting to feel the aches and pains of pregnancy this week (I think my age probably doesn't help either).  My back is bothering me more if I stand too much during the day and I have short, but intense pains in various places on my belly.  My legs also grow quite restless in the evening when I lay down to try and sleep.  Each pain reminds me of the gift this is and how each day we get closer to meeting our little guy/girl.  You will not hear me complaining about pregnancy to others around me.  I've heard far too many pregnant women complain during my IF days, and I remember thinking how I would give anything to be in their shoes.  Well, now I am, and I vowed I would never complain through a pregnancy.

--- 3 ---

I've also noticed my fatigue is back this week.  I don't know if I'm more tired because my progesterone is up, my body is working so hard, I need more protein, or this is just what it'll be like for the remaining weeks, but I've been reminded that I need to slow down even more than I have been.  My body is working hard to make and sustain this baby and I need to listen to it when it's tired in the afternoon.  I don't know how pregnant moms keep working full-time.  I know I sure couldn't do it.

--- 4 ---

Discharge: the surprise of pregnancy.  I thought things would dry up because of all the progesterone production, but boy, have I been wrong.  My chart is still full of yellow stamps and it seems that I now frequently have 6CY or 6PC observations (no infection as of last culture, so perhaps this is just the norm for me and pregnancy or maybe others experience it as well??)  I'm still charting this "cycle" by the way.  I kept charting through the 1st trimester as I did with the other pregnancies because I wasn't sure if this one would last, and then once I was past that point, I just kept charting because it's easy to keep track of when I do shots, when I check progesterone, etc.  I don't know if many people chart through pregnancy, but my Napro Dr. (who is a researcher) is excited to have that information from me after the pregnancy is over.

--- 5 ---

My 10 minute OB appointments leave much to be desired.  I miss the days of 45 minute appointments with my Napro Dr.  Things just aren't the same outside the Napro world.  She checks Baby's heartbeat, feels my uterus, measures fundal height, and then would send me on my way if I didn't come armed with questions.  I always have questions written down that I bring to doctor's appointments.  It doesn't matter which doctor it is, I want to be prepared.  I start going to see the OB every 2 weeks now!  That is crazy to think about.

--- 6 ---

My progesterone was 81 this week...81!  That's Zone 2!  I couldn't believe it.  Protocol says I should go down to 100mg twice a week for the shots, and the rule follower in me would usually do that, but every time I have followed the progesterone protocol, my number has plummeted.  (Last check was 36, mid Zone 1.)  In fact, my numbers zig-zag up and down depending on the shot dosage- progesterone level up, decrease shots, progesterone level down, increase shots, progesterone level up...seriously....that has been the case every 2 weeks.  So I think I'm going to break the rules and just keep on the 200mg or only decrease to 150mg twice a week and then recheck and see where the number is at.  I hardly believe that 28 weeks in, my body has finally figured out how to produce enough progesterone on it's own.  Plus, you can't overdose on progesterone during pregnancy, can you??

--- 7 ---

Now that I seem to be mostly over the 3-week cold, I'm full on nesting.  There are so many things I want to do around the house (all the projects we never did while I was IF) before Baby comes- finish a basement room to have as our main guestroom, paint the nursery and other upstairs room, finish the laundry room, etc.  We have a few deadlines that are helping to keep me motivated, but I'm really not sure if we can finish all that I would like to.  That will be a post all to itself, I think.

For more Quick Takes, visit Hallie at Betty Beguiles this week.

A Heavy Heart

I should start by saying things with Baby and I are good.  We've entered the 3rd trimester this week, my OB appointment yesterday went well (belly is measuring on schedule this month and Baby is healthy and active), and my progesterone number from yesterday is up into mid-Zone 2: an all time high for me this pregnancy.  Last draw it was mid-zone 1, so this is an awesome increase in my opinion.  We also survived our trip to MN and overall had a really good weekend with most people in my family.  I need to upload pictures and post about the trip.  All of these are good things and should be reasons why I am filled with joy, but right now my heart is heavy since our return home.

First, it was reading about sweet Baby Carson's death.  I've been praying for this baby ever since October when I met Aunt C. in MN and heard of his mama's difficult pregnancy.  It's been easy to be reminded to pray for Carson and Mom as I was just a few weeks ahead of them in this pregnancy.  My heart is absolutely broken for them after all they have endured to keep him alive since the beginning of the pregnancy.

Then it was a phone call Monday from one of the college students I minister to/volunteer over at church. C. called to tell me her dad was dying and she needed to rush home.  This was all pretty sudden and unexpected.

Then it was the news from a friend here, K., yesterday that her 8-week u/s only showed a sac and no baby.  What a Valentine's Day.  The insensitive OB said she was really only 5 weeks along when she knew she was closer to 8 weeks because a home pregnancy test confirmed the pregnancy at 4 weeks.  Without any blood work, this Dr. sent her home to wait it out.  I'm heartbroken for her.  She already experienced one miscarriage with her 1st pregnancy exactly 2 years ago.  In fact, her due date with this baby was to be the exact same as with #1.  While she does have a healthy boy (pregnancy #2), I can't imagine having to re-live the pain of her 1st loss all over again in the same time frame.

Then it was a phone call this afternoon from the college student saying her dad died this morning.  I cannot imagine losing my father at such a young age of 20.  We were both crying on the phone and my heart is broken for hers.

So while I do have a lot of neat stories to share about MN and some pictures, my heart just isn't in it today.  I'm too busy thinking of the extreme pain people around me are going through.  I will be back to post about my trip when my heart is ready for it.  Seems fitting Ash Wednesday is only a week away, huh?

Jesus, I am trusting you to fill these people with peace, to give them comfort, and to hold them close to Your heart as You bring healing into their lives.

Travel is a Go!

Yes, it looks like we do get to go ahead with our planned trip away!  Thanks for your prayers, support, and encouragement.  I started feeling a teeny bit better on Monday.  At least my terrible, deep cough was gone and my congestion was going down.  My appetite came back in full force yesterday, so I've been eating way more, which means my energy is also up as well.  That is good because I lost 3-4 pounds being sick, and I wasn't trying to.  As much as I usually like to see the scale going down, it's a bit scary to see while pregnant.  I still have some nasal congestion, which makes me super nervous for the flight tomorrow night, but hopefully my ears will cooperate and not be painful.  I've flown with plugged ears before and it is not pleasant at all.  At least we have a non-stop flight and the skies look clear.

I've got mixed emotions going into the weekend.  First of all, it's hard to believe that the weekend is finally here.  I remember when DH and I booked our tickets months ago.  It seemed so far away and I was so nervous to travel because I'd be at the end of the 2nd trimester and almost starting the 3rd.  I didn't want to travel in the 3rd trimester, yet this is the only weekend that worked for us an my sister-in-law.  In reality, I feel great pregnancy-wise and don't know what I was worried about.  It's so hard to believe once we get back next week I'll be starting the 3rd trimester.  It's still surreal to me. 

I'm excited to see my family and yet I'm sure there will be drama involved because that seems to be the case whenever my mother is around.  She loves to be the center of attention and talk all about herself.  My patience for that is virtually non-existent these days. I'm hoping the drama is minimal or that DH and I have the courage to address some ongoing issues with her face to face.  I'm praying for wisdom to know if the time is right for that! 

We're staying in a guest suite at my grandma's new senior living facility, so it should be fun to check out her place and spend time with her.  My time with her is always a mix of emotions though.  I never know if my visit will be the last one with her (she's 89 1/2), so I always try to cherish our time together.  We also have the task of going over to her house and setting aside all of the things I want from her place since she's getting ready to sell her house in the coming months.  That will be hard. 

It'll also be hard to celebrate this baby along with my brother and sister-in-law's baby without my grandpa.  I know he would be so proud to hold his 1st great-grandchild and to meet his future 2nd one.  It's hard to think about all those joyous family moments without him.  I know my dad is thinking about the same thing because he broke down crying on the phone just the other day when we were talking about the baptism and baby shower.  I'm sure there will be a few shed tears amidst all of the laughter this weekend.

It's bittersweet to think about this as our last trip as just the "two of us." While we are so excited to meet this little child, the realization that travel will never be as easy again is a new one to ponder.  I don't know when we'll travel to see my family again- I don't expect it to be for several months at least- and so with that, I don't know when we'll see grandma again.  She's too old to travel to see us, so this very well could be the last time we see her or not.  I don't see myself getting on a plane with an infant and DH doesn't have many more vacation days he can take this year, so it's that unknown element that can be scary.  I hope we have the chance to travel back and introduce our baby to grandma, but this very well may be as close to an introduction as we get.

So I will enjoy as much of the weekend as possible and cherish the time we have with family and friends.  The weekend will surely fly by, and before long, we'll be back home again into our weekly work routines.  More from me when we return!

Still Sick Here (***Updated)

Day #11 of not feeling well.  I guess that's not entirely correct since I had a sore throat for 5 days, and then actually started feeling better for 1 day.  Then I came down with that terrible, deep cough for 4 days and now here I am today still sick.  I sent DH to a Super Bowl party and I'm home alone.  My body finally waved the white flag of surrender yesterday and I ended up at Urgent Care.  I usually hate going to that germ-infested place and I never know about the quality of treatment, but I was desperate and it was only Saturday morning. 

So I waited 75 minutes to see a doctor (I was desperate to feel better), who spent a whole 10 minutes looking at my throat, ears, and listening to my lungs.  He said he heard a lot of wheezing in my lungs, but didn't run any tests or do anything else, and concluded that I had bronchitis (I'm taking after St. Rita's Roses during her pregnancy) and possibly the start of a sinus infection.  He gave me 2 prescriptions...I asked if both were ok to take during pregnancy...he asked how far along I was...26 weeks...and said, yes.

I filled my prescriptions pronto and read the information from the pharmacy and the warning info in the box on the first one- Azithromycin- before taking it.  The other one- an inhaler for my lungs- I decided to take later, so I just read the info from the pharmacy.  I took it later, totally forgetting that I hadn't read the warning information inside that box.

Last night, sleep was rough as I woke every 30-45-60 minutes.  Every time I woke up, I had to clear my nose again in order to try and breathe and sleep and then drink more water because my throat was so sore.  I didn't go to church this morning, which hardly ever happens.  DH said many people asked about me because I wasn't there (our congregation is pretty small) and were worried.

So do I finally feel better?  I'm not really sure.  I guess I have a little more energy and I'm not coughing as much, but my body is still definitely fighting something.  I've used a whole box of Kleenex in 24 hours and am now wondering if I really just have a killer cold or something viral instead of anything bacterial??  Even my old standby, Netipot, hasn't helped to keep my nasal passages clear.

Baby seems to be extra active the past couple of days, so either he/she went through a growth spurt or all my coughing/nose blowing is keeping him/her awake too.

Here's the kicker though.  I finally realized today that I hadn't read the warning information on the inhaler, so I did and found out it's a Class C drug during pregnancy (the other prescription is Class B ie. safer), and while there are no human studies in pregnant women, animal studies have shown various congenital anomalies, including cleft palate, limb defects, and teratogenicity (malformation in fetuses)!!!  Hello, I would not consider that safe during pregnancy.  Why didn't the Dr. tell me?  I am so ticked at myself for not reading about it before taking it because I would have probably postponed using it until I talked to my OB.  I feel like it was a moment of weakness because I was so desperate to feel better and so out of it that I wasn't as cautious as I typically have been with taking stuff during this pregnancy, and now I'm going to spend the next 13 weeks worrying about the effects of that drug on this amazing gift of a child. 

I've only taken 4 doses, but my worry-factor has just shot through the roof.  I've already been feeling guilty about being a bad mother because I haven't been able to kick this cold and I've been wondering....should I have slowed down more when I first got the sore throat, should I have gone to the doctor sooner, etc.  Now I'm left with all those "what-ifs" that swirl around in my head and accomplish nothing good.

So I've been thinking about my blog title and verse a lot...I definitely am weak and have been weak throughout a lot of this pregnancy.  There have been so many moments looking back (not just this cold incident) where I truly have been weak, but Christ's strength has worked through me and made me strong.  So that's really the only thing I have to rely on at this point.  I've said all along that this is His child...I'm just the "holder" or the "carrier" (get it, those of you that know my name?) for such a time as this.  I don't know how long that time will be, but I pray it's for many, many years with a healthy child!

On a somewhat related note, would you pray that this is indeed the tail end of this cold/virus/bacteria?  DH and I are supposed to get on a plane Thursday night for what was supposed to be a fun weekend- celebrating my brother's birthday, the baptism of his child (my niece) as well as he and his wife having finally found a church home (huge answer to prayer), and then a couple's shower with family and friends for us.  I was so looking forward to all of those celebrations with my family and I can't bear the thought of not going, but if that's what is best for Baby and I, would you pray for wisdom and a clear sign if that is the case?

And if we do travel, does anything have experience bringing syringes and needles (for progesterone shots) through carry-on luggage?  Did you have any problems getting the needles through security??

***Updated: Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments!  They made me so much better (and calmer) when I read them this morning.  I guess it's always dangerous to post while freaking out, but sometimes posting my thoughts/struggles does help me feel better because then I don't stew about them for so long.  I took some Benedryl last night, which helped me sleep better and a lot of my nasal congestion is gone this morning!  I also talked to my OB's office and they said the inhaler (albuterol sulfate) is what they would have prescribed as well.  I'm still going to run it by Mr. Hebrews though;-)

I also checked the TSA website and they say, "All medications in any form or type (for instance, pills, injectables, or homeopathic) and associated supplies (syringes, Sharps disposal container, pre-loaded syringes, jet injectors, pens, infusers, etc.) are allowed through the security checkpoint once they have been screened."  They don't specifically mention needles, but if you have syringes or a Sharps container, can I assume you are also bringing needles on board?  I think I'll be safe carrying syringes and needles with me.

I'm feeling much more hopeful about getting better and being able to travel.  I'm still at home resting today and am going to take it easy the rest of the week, but at least this is improvement.  Thanks again for your prayers, support, and encouragement!  Baby PPIW is lucky to have you (and I am too).

Run Down

Physically.  Mentally.  Emotionally.

That's where I am at right now, and it's so frustrating to me.  (Please note: I'm not complaining, just frustrated.  There is a difference in my mind.)

After the leg fiasco last week, the next day I came down with a killer sore throat.  Talk about zapping my energy.  I rested as much as I could, ate lots of fruits and veggies, exercised some, drank lots of hot water with lemon, and finally after 5 days, it went away.

Then I had one day where I felt good again with my energy back up and WHAM! yesterday I start getting a cough and today my energy is zapped again.

I don't really know what it is.  I've tried so hard to stay and remain healthy....not just for me but for our little one, and I have been pretty fortunate that the first 22 weeks of this pregnancy that was the case.  But now in the last 4 weeks, I've been sick with some sort of cold 3 times.  I haven't done anything differently in that time except go off of Low Dose Naltrexone.  Was the LDN keeping my immune system boosted up?  I'm starting to think that was the case.

I worry about how all my nose-blowing, sneezing, and coughing are affecting the baby, but I don't really know what else to do.  All of my usual home cold remedies (green tea, extra vitamin C, immunity support pills, etc.) aren't best for pregnancy, so I'm trying to up my citrus fruit intake and sleep it out.  The thing that is so frustrating to me is that I'm a do-er....I have so many things I want to be doing right now..projects around the house, preparations for our trip next week, etc. and clearly the most important thing is sleep and rest.

So I will be back to posting and commenting and responding to emails...just as soon as I sleep this cold off!