The Time Has Come

It's nearly Christmas Eve. The time has come for a baby to be born in a manger in Bethlehem. A baby that would change the world. A baby that we would sing our hymns of praise to. A baby that would change the hearts and minds of those that believe. A baby named Jesus.

The time has also come for me to start my own blog. My husband and I have a family blog that we have each updated for 2 1/2 years now. It's a fun place for us to post pictures and share tales with all our family members that live far away from us. Our family blog, however, is not a place for me to post freely about my physical, emotional, and spiritual troubles as a result of our 2 1/2 year journey with infertility, PCOS, and miscarriage. I'm hoping this becomes that place. I set out to start this blog in May 2009, but pregnancies and such lead me to believe I wouldn't need the support of the online community. Here I am 20 months later saying, yes, I do need that online support. It looks like this journey is going to be longer than I thought.

As I prepare to head to our candlelight service tonight, I'm reflecting a lot on the past year. It was one year ago that I prepared to celebrate this same baby's birth with much pain in my heart. We had lost our first baby just a few weeks prior, and on Christmas Eve, I was sitting in church, fighting back tears because I had so much grief in my heart, waiting for my first cycle to start after our missed miscarriage. That cycle did start on Christmas Day, and it felt like such a cruel reminder of all that we had lost. I have lost a lot to infertility, PCOS, and miscarriage, and yet I keep pushing on. It's been a full 12 months, and I'm still without a child in my arms or my womb. I know it is not by my own strength that I press on, but by Jesus working in and through me. I have numerous weaknesses in my life- my health issues, family problems with my mom, my pride, my grief, pressures from being the wife to a pastor, and more. And yet, through my weaknesses, I am made strong because of Christ. And through those weaknesses, Christ works and shows His amazing power. Merry Christmas Eve!