Why I Finally Started A Fertility Blog

It was about the time that I started charting with CrMS that I came across other CrMS/NaPro blogs.  I did a google search and entered in PCOS, NaPro, and blog as the key words.  I came across All You Who Hope's blog.  I became an instant lurker.  I loved reading AYWH's experience with PCOS, weight loss, low GI diet, and more.  I no longer felt so alone at 30, childless, and with PCOS.  There were other women like me and it was so fascinating to read their stories and see how God was working in their lives. 

From AYWH's blog, I entered into an entire network of infertile women like me trying to have a family while struggling/growing in their faith through the process.  It was amazing how much comfort I got from reading blogs about the ups and downs of the IF journey.  Sew Infertile was another blog I frequented, and she had a whole other network of blog friends I could be introduced to and read. 

I would leave anonymous comments on blogs where I felt I could contribute information based on my experience/treatment with my NaPro doctor.  I wasn't quite ready to go "public," but I sure did enjoy reading other's treatment plans and what their NaPro doctors were prescribing for them.

In May of 2009, I felt I was ready to take the plunge and start a blog.  God had given me a verse and a name, and so I created the blog.  2 Corinthians 12:9 had been a constant theme in my life at that point, and I truly felt like God was going to use all of my weaknesses (especially those health-related ones that seemed to be consuming me) to show His power.

And then after I created the blog, I think I got scared of being vulnerable online with a whole network of people I didn't know, and I was content to stay in the background just reading.  On just my 2nd cycle of Clomid I found myself pregnant for the first time.  I always thought my difficulty would be in getting pregnant, but I never thought it would be difficult to stay pregnant.  I naively thought my days of reading infertile blogs were over.  It was nice while it lasted and I appreciated the support as a lurker, but I was moving on to praise God for the miracle of life in my womb.

Then the missed miscarriage took me by surprise and rocked my world.  I spent months in despair.  I no longer felt the desire or energy to blog about my fertility or read other's stories of their successful pregnancies.  Then the brief, 2nd miscarriage, and another low point.  It's been a rough 20 months since I first set out with the idea to have my own blog, but I am here.  I realize that this journey to bringing home a baby is going to be a lot longer and harder than I anticipated. 

I don't know what lies ahead, but I realize how much I need the support of this online community.  Infertility can be so lonely, and while my husband is incredible, there is just something about women understanding women.  And I love that this online community can be a place I turn to with specific NaPro-related questions.  So many of you have such a wealth of information and experience to share.  I look forward to that now that I've entered the blog world.  I'm not Catholic, but I do consider myself to be extremely devoted to my faith and to have many of the same values I've seen shared on Catholic infertile blogs (no ART, pro-life, conservative morals, liturgical religion, faith in Jesus, etc.)  I do hope that I am accepted even though I am not Catholic.

Loneliness also comes because I live in an area where Christians are in extreme minority and the dominant culture (it is a religion, but I can hardly call it that) practices IVF way too much.  Most women my age here have already had their tubes tied because their families are complete in their eyes.  Families are big and children are everyone.  I'm constantly reminded of what I don't have.  Until I found NaPro, I felt like there was no hope for a natural way to conceive.  I'll explain more about what drew me to NaPro in another post.

The final thing that lead me to starting a blog was Doctor Gianna at The Children I Cannot Hold.  I'd read her blog with interest for sometime because of her medical expertise as well as the similarities I found I had with her- thin, PCOS, non-insulin resistant.  When she announced her blog was going private, I knew I had to really start the blog so that I could follow her.

So there you have it.  Several of you have influenced me in ways you didn't even know it.  And that's the beauty of a blog and the hope I have with my blog- that by being open, honest, and vulnerable online, I might be able to heal and grow.  And if I can impact one woman's health with my comments and experiences, then it was all worth it.