My Crazy, Hectic Life

I took/am taking an unexpected blogging break.  I didn't plan on it; it has just happened.  Life is absolutely crazy at the moment.  Here's what is going on:

We had company in town over the weekend that we first met in Russia last summer.  They were traveling the US and wanted to come visit.  It was so great to reconnect with them and hear how things are going in Siberia with some of the men and women we met one year ago.  We loved seeing them, but it meant a full 3 days of cooking and entertaining, sharing American culture and food with them- something I absolutely love to do, but find more of a challenging with an infant at home.

Then the same night they left, the MIL and SIL arrived from Texas.  They are visiting this whole week, which is fine, but Baby R seems to be on edge with extra people in the house, and the in-laws haven't exactly volunteered to take care of her much.  Although I'm not sure she would even let them at the moment since she seems to have a little bit of stranger anxiety.

Add to the mix a 3 month growth spurt that seems to be going on for days and days- we regularly have 8-10 feedings a day right now.  She's never done that!

Her sleep is also currently a mess.  She woke up 9 times last night...a new record, and not one we want to be setting.  She took OK naps early in the day yesterday, and then last night, every time we put her down, she'd sleep for 15-30 minutes and then wake up.  We'd repeat putting her down, she'd fall asleep for a short time, then wake up again...9:30, 10:30, 11:00, 11:15, 11:30, 12:45, 4:30, 6:30, and 7:30.  We did feed her at 9:30, 12:45, 4:30, and 7:30, but seriously, what is going on with her sleep?  Each time she woke up and we heard her, she was just chatting away.  Little Miss Social Butterfly would rather talk than sleep.  And to think, she was going so good last week sleeping a long stretch (5-7 hours), followed by another stretch (of 2-4 hours).  This Momma (and Daddy) needs some serious sleep.

And then things hit the fan of craziness last night...we got home to a message on our answering machine.  It was a request for DH and I to visit a church for possible employment for him.  We both got a pit in our stomach that doesn't seem to have left.  Now the call wasn't a total surprise since he has had 2 phone interviews with this parish, but we kept passing it off as not the right place or not the right time to move.  We didn't think that he would be their top candidate choice.  So in our free time- when his mother and sister aren't around- we've been trying to discuss where we feel the Spirit is leading us.  And let me just say neither of us wants to move.  We haven't been seeking to leave this place, and yet we realize we have been here a long time- he's been here 11 1/2 years and I've lived here 8 1/2 years.  We definitely have put down our roots, yet we've always known a move would occur some time down the road, but I was thinking it'd be another 1-3 years off.  I didn't think we could be facing that decision so soon.

And we may still be here another few years.  That's the hard part.  There is so much unknown right now.  Here's what I do know...they want us to come visit within the next few weeks.  I told DH to just go, but he and they want me (and Baby R then) to come along.  So we're looking at a 4 hour plane ride with an infant for the 1st time.  Should be interesting.  And yet, we don't feel like we can just say no without visiting.  We really need to go and visit, meet the people, see the church, before we feel like we have an answer.  That's just how the process works.

I'm already making a pros and cons list in my mind.  The location (in the Southeast/South...not sure which it is considered) is one that neither of us are crazy about.  We're not big heat and humidity fans, and have grown to love the West with it's mountains, dry climate, and four seasons.  Now, I'm a Midwest girl, and I'd even take the Midwest over the Southeast.  That's just my preference.  The location isn't ideal, except for the fact that my BFF (R's Godparents) lives 20 minutes away.  I can't imagine being that close to her and her family.  There would be so many more opportunities for Christian growth and fellowship- MOPS groups to attend, private preschools and schools we could send R to, Bible studies with like-minded women my age, etc.  And yet, the thought of having to pack up a house and move with an infant, just does not sound like fun. I just want to be at home, be a mom and a wife and enjoy what I've waited and longed so long for.

Most likely, a move would occur before the end of 2012.  We'd have to put our things in storage and live in an apartment until our house here sold.  Then we'd be house-hunting and buying another home, starting a new mortgage (we only have 10 years left on ours here), etc.  It's not anything that I want to do (but is life as a believer more about what I want, or what God wants/calls me to do?)

And yet...I wonder if God is challenging both of us to step out in faith...to trust Him, even when- no, especially when- things don't make sense to our human minds.  Perhaps we have gotten too comfortable with our lifestyle and home here.  Maybe it's time to be shaken up a bit?  Ugh...so scary and hard.  I've been crying off and on all day today just thinking about what might be ahead.  And this could not be the place for us.  That's the reality, but my sense is, we're being prepared for a move in the near future, even if it's not this one, I feel a move somewhere is coming.

And then there are the little signs that have been coming along the way that I've tried to push out of my mind or discredit because I didn't want to feel them...the feeling that maybe a move was coming right after we finished all our home repairs, the tears that came after we finished painting the nursery with my dad and feeling like we wouldn't be here to see R grow up in that room that he helped prepare, the thought that it might not matter that my Napro Dr. is on sabbatical for a year because I may not still be living here, the hesitancy to return to work, and so on.

Oh...my heart is scared, and nervous, and worried, and full of sadness, and yet, through it all, I know deep down in my heart, we will be ok.  Our God is for us, not against us, and we have each other...our little family.  Is it just a coincidence that Baby R was full of smiles, giggles, and sounds last night when DH and I were so down/in a state of shock?

So, that's where my crazy life is at.  I'll be back blogging in a bit...probably once the in-laws leave.  Right now, though, my head is so full of thoughts related to a possible move, I need to keep processing and praying through it.  That's how I work, and that's what this space is for, so thanks for reading my mess of thoughts, if you made it this far.