Nearing the End

We are coming very close to the end of this pregnancy!  It's still so hard to believe that we've nearly made it to the end of a pregnancy without complications.  That still baffles my mind.  We had our 39-week appointment yesterday and Baby still seems to be content inside.  I did have the OB check me this week and things haven't changed much from the last check at 36 weeks.  Yesterday, I was dilated 2 cm, effaced 85%, and Baby's head was still at +1.  I was actually sort of bummed that not much had changed because I've been having such bad back pain and crampy feelings, I thought for sure more might be happening.

When she was checking me/touching Baby's head, Baby was moving his/her head all around as if he/she didn't want to be bothered (Baby was sleeping prior to the check).  I didn't feel any of that, and it still sort of weirds me out that the doctor can touch Baby's head, but it made me think back to our u/s when Baby was sleeping and didn't want to be bothered with all the measurements the technician wanted to do.  I'm hoping this means we have a good sleeper!  It's sort of funny to catch glimpses of Baby's personality already.

May 7th is our official due date according to our doctor/ my LMP, but I actually went back and looked at my charts again, and determined that I think my due date is closer to May 10th or 11th.  Since things continue to look favorable for a vaginal birth, the doctor said we could actually set up an induction for when we wanted any day next week (at 40 weeks!).  What?!?  I was surprised to hear her say that.  Induction was not on my mind until we hit 41 weeks as I know that's hospital policy here.  I didn't say much, but was thinking in my head, "no way!" 

We made our 40-week appointment for next Tuesday and will then, most likely, have to set up an induction for May 14th (41 weeks).  We'll also need to decide if we want her to strip my membranes next week or not (I told her not to this week).  I don't think she would let me push back an induction after that May 14th, even if I brought my charts in.  I'm not really sure what else I could do, but I know I'd prefer labor to start on it's own without having to be induced.  I'm confident that Baby and my body know when the best time to start labor will be, so I'm just trusting and praying in God's perfect timing (and that it happens these next 11 days).

What a change of course from the previous 3 weeks when I was on alert for Baby coming early, huh?  I still haven't tried any natural induction methods yet, so I could pull them all out next week if need be.  Right now, I've just been trying to relax, rest, and enjoy these last few days before Baby's arrival.  With my free time, I've been slowly moving things back into our house and getting the basement more organized from the chaos of construction.  I'm not doing a ton of physical work, but putzing away at it each day.  I'm also making sure to take a daily nap (in case we go into labor in the evening) and doing a lot of reflecting on these past 9 months as well as our journey to get to this point because truthfully, I wasn't sure we'd ever carry a pregnancy to full term, and I'm not sure we'll ever be blessed with another healthy pregnancy.  These are some of the things I'm going to miss about pregnancy:

• the baby movements- the kicks, punches, rolls, and shifts at all hours of the day.  I seriously love it and don't mind being woken up or kept awake at night because of Baby's movements.  It is still amazing to me that there's a little person inside.  The movements are glorious.
• baby hiccups in utero- such a funny, yet cool sensation
• the weekly OB appointments and heartbeat checks lately
• trying to imagine the different body parts moving around inside
• the planning, dreaming, and praying for our child with DH
• being that girl- you know- the pregnant one walking around that I used to be so envious of
• the little back or bum that will sometimes stick out and fit in the palm of my hand
• talking and singing to my belly (DH and I)
• the funny belly contortions- square belly, lopsided belly, pointy belly, kidney bean belly
• the amazing support, encouragement, and prayers from so many family and friends IRL and in this community

There are also some things that I won't miss nearly as much as the above points.  They are:

• sleeping on the side (I'm much more of a back and stomach sleeper)
• the 9 month pregnant waddle, especially trying to move down into the pew at church
• the aches, pains, and pressure in new places (hips, down the sides of my legs, groin, pelvis)
• the ever increasing waist size (up 12 inches) and weight gain (up 45 pounds)
• the anxiety on days where Baby is more sluggish/less active
• two shots of PIO twice a week for 33 weeks (that equals 132 shots given by "Nurse" DH!)
• the grunts, groans, and other noises required to roll over or get out of bed
• the contortionist moves needed just to shave my legs once a week
• the hourly trips to the bathroom each night and not dreaming or sleeping deeply

All in all though, this pregnancy has been an amazing experience that I will and continue to treasure right up until the end.  My IF/miscarriage experience has given me such a greater appreciation for all that pregnancy has offered- yes, even the sleepless nights and the physical pains were incredible for me to experience.  And as I near the end, people are constantly asking me if I'm ready for pregnancy to be over.  Sure I've been in the most pain these past 3 weeks, but I'm not really in a rush for it to be over.  I recognize what a gift pregnancy is and I'm not hurrying to be done with it.  Yes, I can't wait to see and meet our Baby, but I'm also content waiting and treasuring this stage.  Thank you, IF, for giving me that attitude of contentment- one that I've not often heard from a pregnant gal.

I truly feel fortunate that everything has gone so well with this pregnancy.  DH and I have much to be thankful for with this little life.  Even the doctor remarked this week that things have gone just perfectly through this pregnancy.  We're praying that's the case with labor and delivery as well.  I will keep y'all posted in some way...even if it's just to let you know we're heading to the hospital and we need prayers!  Thanks for being part of the journey.

Trusting God Through Pregnancy and Beyond

Trusting God.

Waiting on His "perfect" timing.

Letting Him be in control of my life.

These are all areas that have been a struggle in my life.  I can think back to some of the darkest times during my infertility journey and screaming and crying out to God because I didn't trust Him or didn't agree with the timing He was choosing for my health/fertility issues.  I have really struggled with my lack of trust of God through IF and miscarriage.  I feel like in the past few months, however, something has changed and my trust has increased.

This weekend I went back and read through most of my pregnancy journal that I started with the 1st pregnancy back in September 2009.  I read through the joys of that 1st ever BFP and read through the heartache that followed after the missed miscarriage and re-living all of those significant dates a year later.  I read through my struggle that year after and then about the 2nd BFP in September 2010 and then that loss as well.  My journal writing in that journal became pretty sporadic after the 2nd loss.  Sure, I still wrote in it when things related to IF, loss, or my spiritual walk as a result of those things came up, but it was only a few times a year.  And then I picked it up again in September 2011 with this 3rd, most surprising BFP.

From the very beginning of this pregnancy, I've been repeating the phrase, "Jesus, I trust in you" over and over in my head because I was not at a place of trust at the beginning of this pregnancy.  Even with the near perfect HCG doubling, the good progesterone numbers at the beginning, the fabulous u/s and sound of the heartbeat at 6w1D, the next u/s at 8 weeks, and then another u/s at 12 weeks.  I was an emotional wreck that 1st trimester and needed to continue remind my heart that I was trusting in Jesus.  I can remember those first few weeks repeating that phrase over in my head every time I went to the bathroom and before checking the TP.  I was that worried about another miscarriage.

I was just starting to settle down a little and my progesterone numbers starting doing 20 point swings at 12 weeks and doubt began to creep in again.  And then all of my 1st trimester symptoms went away over night and I freaked out and had to go in and get the heartbeat checked.  Surely, this 3rd pregnancy was too good to be true.  Surely, it would end like the other 2 have.  Surely, this broken, old body couldn't sustain a pregnancy all the way through.  The constant mind battle from 1st trimester carried over into 2nd trimester.  It wasn't all the time.  There were times of joy and wonder over this miracle of creation, but most of the time I would stop and let my mind wander, it would wander into the realm of doubt lack of trust.  Even though all of the signs except the wacky progesterone numbers continued to indicate a healthy, viable pregnancy, I still couldn't believe it and trust God.  I even was still lacking trust when we went in for the big u/s appointment at 19 weeks.  I thought for sure we would see something wrong because it had been 7 weeks since our last u/s appointment.

And then something changed.  I don't really remember exactly when, why, or how, but in January around 22-24 weeks or so, I started to relax and trust and believe that God had this pregnancy under control.  Maybe it was feeling the baby move more obviously, or the duration of time that had passed with the pregnancy, or the many prayers and support of faithful believers that had been lifting us up since we announced the pregnancy in late October and early November.

Or it could have been the two Bible verses I started meditating on in December.  Every time I was in the bathroom, I would see Psalm 139:13 (you knit me together in my mother's womb) and Psalm 139:16 (all the days ordained for me were written in your book before I was born) written out and hanging on the mirror.  I had decided I need to train my mind and heart into believing that God really was in control, and the best way to do it was through Scripture and the power of the Holy Spirit.  I could not simply keep relying on my sinful mind to trust God with this pregnancy and child.  I needed higher power!  I also realized, something had to change otherwise I was going to be a stressed out/worry-wart mother all of the days of this child's life.  That is not what I wanted for me or Baby.

Whatever it was, I started to settle down.  My progesterone still continued 20 point swings from Zone 1 to Zone 2 and then Zone 1 again, but I didn't freak out and worry about it as much as before.  In fact, I stopped going every 2 weeks to check the progesterone level (per my Napro Dr.'s suggestion), and instead went every 3-4 weeks.  My Napro Dr. said I could still continue with checks in 2 week intervals, but I was ok not doing that.  I waited 3 and 4 weeks between progesterone checks!  Amazing.  Sure, I still had my thoughts and moments of doubts, but I tried to pray and remind myself of the trust with God I was having with this child.

And then there would be days (usually once or twice a week) where Baby was much less active in the womb.  I would start to fret and debate calling the OB, but then I would feel a movement or two and say I was trusting Jesus with this baby and if things weren't different by the morning, I'd go in and see the OB.  And every single time that happened (almost once a week since January/February), Baby would be moving just fine the next day.  In fact, Baby seemed to develop a pattern where he/she would have a super active day followed immediately by a decreased activity day.  This has been going on most of the 2nd and 3rd trimester.  Do I like it?  No.  I'd rather have Baby with the same activity level every day, but I've learned to deal with it much better.

My DH also pointed out other areas where he's really seen me grow in my trust- the timing of this Baby's arrival with house projects and my teaching, anticipation of labor and delivery, uncertainty about breastfeeding thanks to my PCOS, etc.  He has noticed a change in me the past few months as well, which only confirms what I have been feeling inside in regards to trusting God.  I've become a lot more balanced with my emotions instead of the rollercoaster highs and lows that would accompany me and my fears.  I don't freak out nearly as much as I have in the past.  I'm more relaxed and calm.

Does that mean I don't have doubts or trust issues with God any more?  Of course, not.  Do I have a perfect trust?  Heck, no.  Trusting God will be a lifelong faith issue for me.  I still struggle, but I'm hoping the experience and lessons I've learned about trusting God these past few months during pregnancy will carry over into motherhood in the coming days, weeks, and months ahead!

Now, please don't misunderstand this explanation of trust as being reckless or careless with this precious child's life.  I never thought or had an intuition that Baby was in imminent danger.  How I seem to work is I get an idea in my idea (What if something is wrong with Baby today because he/she seems to be moving less?), and then I dwell on it all day until I've worked myself up into a tizzy and can't think about anything but this "problem" I've created in my mind.  This is the area of trusting God that I have been working on, so that when those thoughts come into my mind, I remind myself that I am trusting God with this issue/child.

Quick Takes (23)

--- 1 ---

My internet at home has been spotty this week.  Not cool.  Not cool at all.  I've got things to post, people to email, bills to get lined up for payment, things to order online, etc.  It had better be working this weekend, that's all I can say.

--- 2 ---

Our work in the basement is complete!  The contractor finished on Wednesday (amazingly)- only 6 1/2 weeks after we signed a contract and got a verbal agreement from him that it would take 3 weeks.  Still, it's nice to have that done finally.  The only snafu was when the plumbers came to finish up their work, they discovered the original homebuilder ran the hot water line to the toilet down there, not the cold line!  Seriously.  The plumbers came to check and make sure everything was plumbed a few weeks ago.  Apparantly, they didn't check to make sure the lines were run correctly.  What were we supposed to do after all the walls were finished?  So annoying.  Who wants hot water in their toilet unless you have a bidet or some fancy Japanese toilet!  They ended up capping that line and then running a cold water line through our vanity and along the wall, so we could have cold water in our toilet.  What a joke.  Sure wish they would have really checked all the plumbing before the sheetrock was hung, so we could have had a nice, finished product!

--- 3 ---

I finished teaching today and even posted my final grades online.  I am offically done for the term.  My students were so sweet today...most gave me hugs and thanked me for the class.  Keep in mind my students are 18+ years old.  That hardly happens with adult students.  They are anxious to hear about the baby, and lately the last few days of class, they'd be so surprised and happy to see me when I showed up to teach.  I felt the same.  It's nice when students appreciate you and the work you do!

--- 4 ---

For awhile, my DH and I had a little contest going on Facebook...which will happen first: A) the baby arrives, B) the contractor finishes the work in the basement, or C) I finish teaching?  Most people said A, but amazingly, it is going to be B, C, and then A.  Thank you, Lord, for that timing!  Now we are "ready" for this baby to arrive.  Can you ever be ready for something that will totally change your life in every way you've ever known? 

--- 5 ---

Happy birthday (yesterday) to a dear blog reader, D.  She doesn't blog, but has been a faithful reader of mine.  And happy birth-day yesterday to another special person.  More details (hopefully) coming soon from that person.

--- 6 ---

I was talking to my DH this morning about all of the things I want to do this weekend now that the basement is finished.  We still have 1/2 of our garage full of stuff that needs to come back in the house or get donated or sold.  It would be really nice if we could both park in the garage again, instead of DH having to park in the driveway.  His comment was,
"oh great, here comes the extreme nesting."  I had to laugh because I've been "nesting" off and on since February when we started house projects and the 40 bags of Lent challenge.  I've slowed down a lot the past few weeks in order to try and make it through teaching.  Now I'm ready to get this house back in order!  Extreme nesting it is until Baby arrives.

--- 7 ---

Labor...uff da.  I've been thinking a lot about this and let's just say...I am absolutely terrified of the labor and delivery process.  There...I've said it.  I don't think any book, video, or class can prepare you for something so new and so out of your control.  I know women have been doing this since the beginning of time, but I also think of Genesis (chapter 3?) where God says there will be pain in childbirth!  This is where the "trusting God" part comes in that I referenced in my previous post, which I'm still working on by the way.  I really am trying to trust Him to work out all the details, give wisdom with decisions that will need to be made, and being present in that hospital room through the whole process.  I am at peace (I think) about it, but if I really stop to think about the details, I get freaked out.  Does that make sense?

Have a great weekend, y'all!



For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Pregnancy Vocabulary and Maternity Pictures

I have so many thoughts floating around in my head, I'm afraid I'm going to run out of time before I can post them.  I am working on a post about trusting God.  Hopefully, I will have processed through that soon.  Lately, my sleep has been getting worse, and it seems when I'm awake until 1am or from 4-6am, God really has been speaking to me about so many different things.  Last night, I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I got my iPod and started listening through some of my Christian songs.  I realized that I had not listened to some of the playlists in a long time, and some of the songs brought tears flowing because of where we've been on this IF, miscarriage, and now pregnancy journey.  I tried not to cry too loudly because DH was still sleeping next to me, but I was just overwhelmed with emotions- guilt, unworthiness, joy, etc.

But- to the topics of the post.  Pregnancy vocabulary.  It's a whole new world of learning for me.  I'd heard of dilation and effacement before, but Bishop's score, engagement, heparin or saline lock, bloody show, etc. were all new.  Here's where they fit in.  Two weeks ago at my 36 week OB appointment, I had the first cervical check.  I wrote about how awful that was and how freaked out I got by the OB's news that she thought this baby was coming early.

Last week, I found out exactly what prompted her to say she didn't think I would make it to my due date.  These were my stats at 36 weeks:
dilation (how open the cervix is from 0-10 cm): 1.5 cm

effacement (how thinned out the cervix is from 0-100%): 80%

engagement (where baby's head is in relation to the spine from -5 to +5 where -5 is 5 cm above the spine/a floating head, 0 is engaged, and +5 is 5 cm below or crowning right before delivery): +1

Bishop's score (0-13 where a low score means labor probably won't start on its own without induction and a 9 or higher means labor will most likely start on it's own with a successful vaginal birth): 9

My numbers are in bold.  You can see that things certainly seemed to be moving towards labor in my body.  But they are just a bunch of numbers, and since this is the 1st baby I will birth, some of these changes happen 2-4 weeks before delivery.  No one knows when a baby will arrive, so it was her best guess.  After freaking out some, DH and I were able to finish the last items on our must-do list like pack our hospital bags, find a pediatrician, write our birth plan, and meet with our doula.  I tried to rest and take it easy when I wasn't at work.

And then we went in last week for my 37 week appointment and asked her not to check me, which she was completely fine with.  We talked about our birth plan, which she was also ok with.  We said we were fine with Baby coming whenever he/she was ready.  Wednesday I woke up to spotting and sort of freaked, but I could tell Baby had moved lower.  The nurse confirmed that capillaries do burst down there and usually it's a sign of dilation and can be the bloody show you hear people talk about.  Still, who likes to spot during the end of pregnancy and all day long?  I wish someone would have told me these things, and no, nothing was done to irritate my cervix, so it was just my body spotting on it's own.

I felt really good most of this past week (Thursday-Sunday) and thought, oh no, I'm nesting and this baby is coming soon.  Today (Tuesday) I woke up to spotting yet again (can you have 2 bloody shows or continuous shows?) and tons of pelvic pressure.  Either Baby scooted back out some over the weekend, which is why I felt good, or I just got used to it and today he/she inched closer to exiting.  I'm not sure, but I asked the OB again today at the 38 week appointment to not check me.  My body is definitely working towards labor and I really don't want to know how much I've progressed because what does it change?  This is coming from someone who loves having all the information and details...I keep track of all my numbers from every appointment (baby's heart rate, fundal height, weight, blood pressure, etc.)...but I don't want to know the dilation, effacement, or engagement at this point.  Crazy, huh?

Two weeks ago we didn't think we'd make it to this 38 week appointment and we did.  I will say I feel closer to labor today than I did then though.  I've spotted pink quite a bit all day long today, I can hardly walk because of where Baby's head is in my pelvis, and I've had contractions off and on all day.  This formerly broken/IF body is getting ready to birth a baby...incredible!

We still don't have any idea of when real labor will start, but chances are we are close.  I'm trusting God to work out the timing of it all (I'd still like to finish my last days of work this week, our doula has final exams next week, DH has work things Friday and Sunday).  I don't know what the labor process or time in the hospital will look like, but I'm starting to get a picture of the end result (healthy baby in arms).  I am trusting God for everything that will take place in the middle.  Amazingly, I seem to be calm with not knowing and not being able to plan.  That is a gift from above.

And finally....maternity pictures.  These were taken the end of March at 34 1/2 weeks.  I wasn't sure we were even going to get pictures taken because I was so unorganized and didn't plan ahead because we were busy with Lent, house projects, and dad's visit.  All the photographers I contacted were already booked and most recommended having pictures taken no later than 35 weeks.  I was starting to stress out about the high cost of the photographers that were still available (hundreds of dollars and you have to buy all your prints from them) and happened upon this one that was really cheap.  I wasn't totally in love with her photos like some of the other photographers, but I figured we'd get at least one good photo (yes, that was my expectation) to have to preserve this time.

I contacted her and we were able to meet within the week.  She scoped out an amazing spot and we had the most beautiful spring night to be outside.  The scenery was incredible and exactly the thing I love about living here.  We took so many different shots and ended up liking much more than just 1.  In fact, most of the images she edited and gave us on the CD turned out great.  And we only paid $50.  Seriously!  Thanks, God, for taking care of that one.  Our expectations were far exceeded.

Here are just a few of our favorites.

Photo credit goes to Amy W. Photography.

DH and I reading "Guess How Much I Love You."

Silhouette

Walking the tracks

I love this one...DH, Me, Baby, water, and mountains.

Beautiful scenery less than 10 minutes from our house!

I still sort of freak out when I look at these pictures or catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I'm pregnant.  I really am!  My almost 34 year old body, that I have had numerous problems and frustrations with, is growing a baby...a real, living, breathing human being.  Thank you, God, for this gift.  It truly is a gift from you.

From Blue to Yellow: Paint Pictures

I'm finally getting around to posting these painting pictures from last month.  Here's a before picture of what the nursery looked like for the past 6 1/2 years.  It served as guestroom #2- not that we ever had many guests.  You can see the blue walls, ceiling, trim, etc.  We just worked with it even though it didn't match the decor in the room.  This was my furniture from when I was a little girl.  The comforter set is new though, and one we fell in love with years ago and purchased from the clearance rack with the hopes that someday we would have our own little girl.  I'd often sit at my desk and work on Bible study, bring in my card making supplies, and just dream/wonder/pray about if we would ever have a child for this room.  It was definitely "my room."

Here's proof the closet doors were even blue!  I told you my DH was color blind.  Can you imagine your whole house this color?  It was when we first got married in 2005.

And here we have the nursery cleared out and DH and dad are getting ready to prime it.  Look at all the paint samples on the wall.  It took 5 yellows and 5 trim colors before we choose one we liked!

Yep- even the inside of the closet was blue.  This is the other room next door that DH is working on.  We decided to do both rooms the same color scheme, so that they would at least be painted.  The only blue room we have left in the house is the guest bathroom/baby's bathroom.  Neither DH nor dad had the energy left to even attempt to paint the ceiling or trim white.  Oh well.  That will come some day.

And the other room is all primed.  This used to be guestroom #1.  I don't have any before pictures of it, but basically we had a queen bed and some book shelves in it.  It's where our parents would stay mainly when they came to visit.  Maybe some day it will be nursery #2??

And the ceiling and trim are white and the walls are yellow!

Doesn't the nursery closet look nice?  No more blue.

And by the time dad left, this is what the nursery looked like.  He and I assembled the crib and he and DH did the armoire and combo dresser.  Such a change from what used to be "my room."

A friend came over last week and helped hang some room decorations.  The Noah's Ark blanket is our main focal point in the room.  The animals around the window are just removable decals that match the blanket and crib sheet.  The rocking chair is one we got from our honeymoon trip to Costa Rica.  It's made of leather and wood, and while it's not as comfortable as one of the traditional gliders with footstools, it has a ton of memories.  And plus, we don't have a lot of extra space in the room.  We still need to get some cordless shades for the window and a small footstool for the chair.  Otherwise, the room is ready for a baby!  So crazy.

And here we have the other room.  We just moved all the furniture that was in the nursery next door, so this becomes a small guestroom.  I love that I can still use it as a study/reading/crafting space if I want.  Anyone want to come and visit?  We're waiting to see who our first guests will be!!

We're also still waiting for our basement project to be finished.  Once that is completed (probably after Baby arrives), we'll have our main guestroom down there and another bathroom.  We do have family and friends coming in June for the baptism, but so far no one before that.  Any bloggers need a mountain getaway?

Quick Takes (22)- Warning: Pregnancy Edition

--- 1 ---

Wedding rings: I am so behind on blogging.  Forgive me!  I will post painting and maternity pictures soon.  This week was a little more hectic than I anticipated.  I'll explain in a minute.  But before we get to that, some pregnancy updates to document from last week.  I have reached the point of swelling where I can no longer wear my wedding ring.  I figure it was pretty good that my fingers didn't start swelling until 35 weeks.  I can't imagine not wearing a wedding ring, so I'm back to my fake ring (think $5 special at Kohl's) that I wore while we were in Russia.  The problem is that I wore it for 3 weeks in Russia and it's a little green and tarnished.  Oh well.  At least I can feel like I'm still honoring my husband and our marriage by wearing a ring.  But tonight I noticed even that one is a little tight by the end of the day, so I may have to go buy another cheapy ring in yet a bigger size.

--- 2 ---

Car seats: Last weekend, we also had our car seat bases installed in each of our cars.  We bought an extra base for the car seat, so we don't have to keep moving the base from one car to another.  It was a little pricey, but I think we'll be glad we have it since we both do an equal share of driving.  And we are glad we had a certified car seat safety inspector install it because we were clueless.  First of all, we would have tried to put the base in the middle seat, which both of our cars don't allow for.  And then, we wouldn't have gotten it tight enough.  DH had to sit in the base in order to get it tight enough.  We had no clue.  Thankfully, if we have to do it again, we could because it really is fairly easy due to the Chicco brand having clips for the seat.

--- 3 ---

Mother's Day: A few days ago I saw an email advertising Mother's Day items to buy and it hit me, for the first time in a really long time, Mother's Day will not be a terribly depressing day for me.  In fact, as I kept thinking, I thought that I will most likely be holding our little bundle on this next Mother's Day, and it was almost too much for me to process and think about since I was in my office.  Wow.  I still remember the tears and heartache of Mother's Day last year (probably my worst one ever), and here I am on the brink of such a different one.  Thank you, Lord, for this gift I am so unworthy to receive!  Please remember all of the faithful women who still long to become mothers!

--- 4 ---

Weight gain: I am approaching a 40 pound weight gain, which is more than I thought I would gain.  I'm at +38 pounds now and my appetite continues to grow.  I thought I would gain 25-30 pounds....maybe 35 tops, and I'm already past that.  I don't look like I've gained that much (or so people tell me when they say I'm little and then I tell them I've gained 40 pounds and they are shocked), but I sure can feel the extra pounds in my lower back!  I'm sure some of it is water weight because I suck down glasses of water all day long, but I am curious to see how big this baby ends up since both my DH and I were 6-7 pounds when we were born.

--- 5 ---

Teaching: I have 2 weeks of teaching left and 3 1/2 weeks until my due date.  Will I be able to make it to the end of my teaching commitment?  That is the big question.  I'm already finishing a week before the other classes because I'm not giving my final exam the first week in May as I'm supposed to.  If I was, that would mean I still had 3 weeks of teaching left and I didn't want to do that.  My students are all well aware of my due date as well as my boss, so we shall see what happens.

--- 6 ---

36-week appointment:  On Tuesday, I went for my 36-week check-up where they tested for Group B Strep and my OB also started doing cervical checks.  Oh man...was that painful!  Not quite what I was expecting.  Neither was her reaction what I expected.  She was very surprised to find how low Baby was in my pelvis already along with the fact that I was 80% effaced and 1+ cm dilated.  I guess people aren't that far along at 36 weeks?  She said she could have scraped out the rest of my membranes to put me at 100% because they were so thinned.  Thankfully, she didn't do that.  Based on the thinning out, she said to expect Baby to arrive a few weeks early!  Ahh!  Not the words I expected to hear when all along everyone has been telling me to expect to go late since this is the 1st baby. 

A few hours after the cervix check I started spotting, which freaked me out.  I wish someone would have warned me this could occur, but the last time I saw spotting was with our miscarriages.  I never like to see blood while pregnant.  I called the office and they assured me it was normal, which I actually thought based on the fact it was brown bleeding.  Still.  I went on to pass some clots that night, which the office warned could happen, and was still spotting brown all the next day.  I was a lot more achy and crampy both of those days as well.  Thankfully, it was time for another progesterone shot during that time frame, and by today (3 days later), things seemed to have settled down some.

Still, I am on edge ever since that appointment.  I wish I would have refused a cervical check.  I think I am going to refuse the next one on Tuesday (I'm going to the OB every week now...Holy Smokes!) and wait until the 38 week appointment.  I have 2 more days of progesterone shots left and then I'm done with them.  I strongly believe those shots have prevented me from going into pre-term labor at this point in the pregnancy.  Anyone have any experience being that much effaced at 36 weeks?

Some people still tell me it's all a numbers game and they still made it to their due date after their doctor said they would go early.  I don't have anything to compare it to, so I really don't know.  When I tell people I'm 80% effaced, most are quite shocked and say it won't be long now.  Is that true?

--- 7 ---

God's perfect timing: I really have had to ramp up my self-talk this week because I have been worrying about the timing of Baby's arrival.  Once again, like so many times in my life, I've had to remind myself of God's perfect timing.  He was the one who enabled us to get pregnant after our mission trip to Russia, after so many failed cycles, after the start of a new school year, etc.  He knows the desires of my heart regarding finishing out the school year.  He knows DH's work schedule and how busy he is on Sundays.  And on and on.  I have confidence that His perfect timing for the arrival of this Baby will be according to God's will.  And right now, I don't really know what that will look like, but I trust that it will happen.  But I'm still packing my hospital bag this weekend:-)

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Lent Recap and Prayer Buddy Reveal

Happy Easter, everyone!  Welcome back to those that have been away from the blogger world!  Praying that your Lent was a time where you were drawn closer to your Savior and His sacrifice and love for you! 

This Lent was a little crazy for me.  I felt like I was constantly being distracted with house projects and, as a result, under spiritual attack from the evil one.  It took me by surprise as I wasn't prepared for the attacks.  Thankfully, I've come through it and we are now in the Easter season, which has much cause for rejoicing and alleluias!  Our Lord is not dead, He's alive!

I set out with 4 goals for Lent and accomplished 3 of them.  I gave up 41 bags of stuff!  Wow...I wasn't sure I could do it, but DH and I did.  Sadly, we still have more we need to get rid of, but at least it's a start.  I was good with the 5 servings of fruits/veggies each day, and this is something I'm planning to continue for the next few weeks/months.  Sadly, I did not read "Hind's Feet in High Places."  I started reading it and then got so distracted that I didn't make time for spiritual reflection from that book.  Finally, I prayed for my Prayer Buddy each day.

Speaking of, I had the privilege of being introduced to a new blogger: B. at Life, Love, Joy, and Hope.  It's always fun to meet new bloggers in the world of Napro!  I prayed for her by name each day as well as all of her prayer intentions- and she had a lot, which I think is truly reflective of her self-less nature.  I have no doubt she remembers those same intentions in her regular prayers as she thinks of others more than herself.  It was a privilege to get to know her (I'm still waiting to hear how the pilgrimage went:-)

And thanks to my Prayer Buddy, J. at A Star of Hope, for praying for me.  I can't even imagine how much more hectic Lent would have been for me had I not participated in Prayer Buddies!

Finally, I leave you with this fabulous, contemporary Easter song.