The Storm Inside Webcast: Coming Soon

I was going through my inbox cleaning out emails, when I realized I hadn't read this one I received from Women of Faith.  Sorry for the late notice, but I thought I'd post it anyways in case anyone wants to tune into the webcast tomorrow.  I did read that the videos will be available during the whole 5 weeks, so if you miss tomorrow, you can still watch the video.

The theme of the webcast is "Trade the chaos of how you feel for the truth of who you are."  Sounds interesting to me.  There always seems to be chaos in our lives no matter what age or stage we are at.  For me, I know the chaos can threaten to derail or discourage my faith walk, which in turn, effects so many other areas of my life. 

I'm not super familiar with the women speakers, so I can't vouch for their beliefs, theological background, etc but I figure God can speak through a multitude of Christian women to meet me where I'm at and speak to my heart.

Here's the link.  Let me know if you tune in and what you think.  I'll do the same.

Goodbye 2013, Hello 2014.

Oh my goodness!  Is it already the middle of January?  Yikes!  I had the intent of writing this post shortly after the New Year, but as you can see, that did not happen.  But "better late than never" seems to be my mantra.

I hope y'all had a nice Christmas!  Ours was not what I expected, but that was due to me being sick with the flu for 2 weeks prior to Christmas and then finding out R had a double ear infection shortly after Christmas.  Talk about weeks of sickness draining our energy.  At least we were able to have lots of quality family time after Christmas as DH took a week off of work.  We had planned to travel North, but given how yucky 2 of the 3 of us were feeling, we opted to stay home, lay low, and unpack more boxes from the basement.  Sounds thrilling, huh?  It actually was more fun than I'm making it out to be:-)

And then it's hard to believe it's 2014.  I didn't realize how ready I was to turn the calendar to a new year until I did it.  I'm sort of glad to put 2013 behind us as it was a hard year.  Not hard like some of the years filled with IF and miscarriage, but hard because of all the change for me.  Change is hard for me to begin with, and 2013 was filled with so many big changes- the total uprooting of our lives from the West, the move to the rental house and all the "fun" that house brought, buying a house (the 1st time we did so together), moving into our house, and then starting to get settled.  Add to all of that trying to build a new support network from scratch, trying to make myself feel at home within a new church community, trying to find friends with similar interests, adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom, and learning (yet again) that I know very little about parenting.

***Now I need to make a side comment here to acknowledge that there were many joys in 2013 that I'm failing to mention (the great joy of seeing R grow from a baby to a toddler, welcoming a new SIL into the family with my brother's marriage, many expressions of love and care from others, trips, etc.  I do know there were good things in 2013, but when I look at the year as a whole, "change" is the word that comes to mind.***

And so, here I am, one year later...a resident of the South and still getting used to so many things here.  But I feel much calmer and more settled than I did in 2013, and I like that feeling quite a bit more than the other.  Sure, there's still more that I'd like to do and have done in the house, but we have time for that.  There's no real rush like we felt at times house hunting.

So when I turned to 2014, I could almost feel myself letting out a huge sigh of relief that I hadn't realized I'd been holding in.  It was like...phew.  Fresh start, here I come.  There's just something about a new year that breeds hope in my heart.

And it was full of that hope that DH and I set out making goals for ourselves for 2014.  This isn't something we've done before, but with some prompting from me, he agreed to try it.  And I think we're both excited about it.  We took time to write down our own goals and then shared them for accountability.  I'm feeling really good about the things I'd like to focus on for the year and accomplish and the attitude and outlook I'd like to have with them.  I feel like all of the complaining/down moods don't accomplish much, and I'm tired of doing that same old thing...so change is in store.  Can you believe it...me talking about and wanting change?!?  Sort of ironic given 2013, huh?  Makes me chuckle. 

I've got plans to be a better wife and parent, to exercise more, to eat less of certain items, and to read more books.  I'll share all the specifics with you in another post, but for now I've got to run and get ready for company that's coming tomorrow morning.  My brother and SIL...the first of hopefully a long list of guests to stay in our home...our Southern home!

Quick Takes (42): Remember me?

I actually wrote these on Thursday night and then forgot to post them or schedule the post.  Oops!  I hope you don't mind me posting them late.

--- 1 ---

Oh my goodness!  Where does the time go?  I can't believe it's been close to 2 months since I last typed a few words.  Thanks to two lovely ladies for reaching out and checking in with me to make sure I was ok.  Seriously, how awesome is that?  Two total strangers that I've never met before email to see how my appointment went and how I'm doing.  Thanks for making me feel loved.

--- 2 ---

October was a hard month.  My appointment with the new Napro dr did not go well.  I've got to finish the blog post so you can hear what she had to say and give advice on how to proceed, but basically I don't think she and I will be a good fit long-term.  So that sort of put me into a bit of a depressed state.  I was so certain things were going to go well and that this was going to be the start of getting me back on track health and fertility wise.  I've gained 5 pounds since the appointment and have hardly been to the gym, so the opposite effect happened.

--- 3 ---

November was a long month.  R came down with a nasty cold that she passed onto me.  It lingered around for 9 days and then re-surfaced as a sinus infection in me.  Then R came down with another (or the same) cold.  Oh my goodness!  It was about 3 weeks of non-stop sickness in our house.  Not fun at all.  That really zapped my energy on top of the already down mood I was feeling.

--- 4 ---

Thankfully, we were all healthy by Thanksgiving time!  If you remember back to previous years, we have always hosted people at our home since we can't travel to be with family.  Usually, it was my international students experiencing the holiday and meal for the 1st time.  I loved sharing our traditions with them and interacting outside of the classroom.  Occasionally, we'd have some college students from church over if they couldn't travel home either.  DH and I have such a good time hosting.  We tried to find people to invite over this year and couldn't.  Either we didn't hear about those that needed a place to go or everyone truly did have plans, but it was just the 3 of us this year.  At first, I was sad and missing our previous connections with people, but then I decided a nice, low-key Thanksgiving was just fine for this year.  We didn't even get a whole turkey; we just settled for a turkey tenderloin (which R loved, by the way).

--- 5 ---

And then the rush hit after Thanksgiving...preparing for Advent and Christmas.  We did get our tree up and lights on it and our Advent calendar out, but otherwise we haven't finished decorating yet and I'm still working furiously to get our cards out since most people don't have our new address yet.  And I'm sort of nervous to continue unpacking everything because we haven't gone through those boxes thoroughly since we moved (Christmas last year we were still out West).  Sort of sad to think about.  I'm still missing my friends, the mountains, our church, and my colleagues.  Adjusting and change are so hard for me.

--- 6 ---

It probably doesn't help my adjustment factor since it's 70+ degrees today, rainy, and humid beyond all get out.  I was in a t-shirt today I was so warm.  This is not the December I am used to.  It should be cold and snowy during Advent.  How can I listen to Christmas songs about sleigh bells and snow and fireplaces when I have the a/c on in my car?!?  This weather is for the birds.  And seriously....we are still raking leaves we have so many trees.  It's really been a challenge for me to get into the Advent/Christmas spirit when this is so foreign to me.  I am so out of my element and comfort zone. And I realize as I type this many of you are covered under layers of snow or ice and cold.  One of my friends commented that we always want what we don't have.  Isn't that so true?  I guess I will know what to expect next Advent and can be better prepared, and I can start thinking now about the true meaning of the season that does not depend on the weather outside.

--- 7 ---

And finally, we have little Miss Escape Artist in our house.  One day shy of 19 months and she gets out of her crib on her own.  She woke up in the morning, we heard a thud, and then she shut off her monitor.  I go in to get her and she's standing at the door.  Oh boy, she is keeping us on our toes.  Thankfully, she was not harmed, but we knew she'd be trying that trick again before too long.  I think we've worked out a temporary solution by removing the springs and just setting the mattress on the floor inside the crib sides, but the act left me scrambling to try and track down the rails and kit to convert her crib to a toddler bed.  Wouldn't you know it, some of the pieces are no longer available (we bought the crib less than 2 years ago)?!?

The good news is she has been sleeping through the night now since we did sleep re-training (did I tell you we had to re-train overnight sleep things had gotten so bad after our FL trip?)  We are only a few weeks in again, but she's consistently sleeping through the night and napping well.  For this reason, we are not ready for a toddler bed yet!

And I've got a bunch more things I could add, but maybe I'll save that for a post for next week:-)  A happy and blessed Advent to you all as we await the birth of our Savior.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Starting Over: Part 1

I'm a little slow in getting this post out, but we had the opportunity to tag along with DH to FL last week for a conference.  It was a lot of time in the car with a little girl who came down with a virus shortly after we left, which meant I spent a lot of time with her in the hotel room watching TV while they were doing construction in the rooms right below ours.  Not exactly my idea of the fun trip we had in mind when planning it, but so be it.  Then it was back home and getting her back into her sleep routine.  It took 5 long nights to get her sleeping through the night again and napping well.  So weird that only 4 nights away threw her sleep so out of whack.

Anyway, that is not the point of my post.  The point of my post is starting over, which in many ways is what it feels like I'm having to do with my fertility health.  I recently had an appointment with a new Napro Dr in my area.  I was really hoping I would connect with her, like her proposed treatment plan, and I'd be off and running with my charting and what not.  I was given the heads up by a lovely blogger (you know who you are) that this "Napro" Dr may not be up to date.  I was appreciative for the information ahead of time because it helped me think through questions I wanted to ask in feeling this doctor out.

But before I continue...I should back up.  Some of you may remember that I continued Creighton charting all throughout this last pregnancy.  I don't really know why, except perhaps I didn't think this pregnancy (#3) would make it all the way to the end given my 2 previous miscarriages.  As time progressed, I continued to keep up with my chart because it was a convenient way to keep track of progesterone levels, when I was due for my next PIO shots, etc.  But after R arrived, I stopped charting.  I was burnt out, couldn't think straight from lack of sleep, and didn't want the added pressure of having to remember my mucus observations throughout the day.  I could hardly remember what time I last fed R much less something throughout the whole day (I could have written it down, yes I realize this, but laziness often gets the best of me at times).

As more time passed, I had to admit that it was really nice not to chart.  I could race into the bathroom and race out without all the steps for observing mucus.   Plus, I really wasn't concerned about my cycle, getting pregnant, etc.  I assumed I'd have cycle difficulties (thanks, PCOS) and never dreamed we'd "accidentally" get pregnant given the years it took to get to R.  So I was living in a blissful, non-charting world.  I could just ignore the fact my cycle hadn't returned (I am still breastfeeding) and ignore any hints of suspected health problems if I didn't have a chart of information, right?

Well, after I weaned R from nursing overnight, I started getting major PMS.  I would just rage at DH, chew him a new one, and just not be pleasant to be around.  I figured my hormones were probably doing something, but I still had little motivation to chart or take my BBT as I'd been doing when I charted.

I knew I should probably buck up and start to get my health under control, so I can be a better wife and mom.  I need to get back to exercising, watching what I eat, and charting.  Yes, I had to admit that in order to get healthy, it was best if I started charting again.  I figured making an appointment with a new Dr. would give me some motivation to start charting again, and it did.  Oh, making the appt. AND my cycle returning 6 days before my appt. gave me motivation  How's that for timing, huh?  After 2+ years without a cycle, it came back 2 months after night-weaning and a week before my appt.  Funny, huh?

Sidenote: It did make me a little sad to think that I could have been pregnant in September again- blissfully, surprisingly, unplanned pregnant.  That would have been nice.  If you've been following my story, you'll know we found out about pregnancy #1 in Sept. 2009, #2 Sept. 2010, and #3 (R) Sept. 2011.  I don't know what it is with Sept. but this could have been #4 Sept. 2013.  But of course to get pregnant, it's good to have lots of Is on your charts, and that's a story for another day of how I'm such a bad, exhausted, crabby, tired wife.

Anyway, my cycle returning right before my appt gave me hope.  It was a beautiful cycle....like probably how a cycle should be if you don't have PCOS or other hormone issues.  Maybe this is what a "normal" person's cycle is like every month?  I have no idea, but it was beautiful.  And it gave me hope that maybe my body can do something right (ovulate) each month.

I started charting with the return of my cycles, am taking my BBT, and had my list of questions to ask the new Dr.  I was nervous about meeting her, but filled with hope and peace.  DH had a good feeling that I would like her and I did too.  The next post will tell you about how that appt went since this is much longer than anticipated.  Apparently, I felt the need to paint the whole picture before getting to the point of the original post!

No Quick Takes Today

I was going to post Quick Takes all about my new doctor's appointment today, but as I was reading through the blogs on my list this afternoon and catching up, I read about Lucky as Sunshine's loss of her little boy at 21 weeks.  He was stillborn and she had to deliver her precious little boy last night.  After reading her story of loss, and already emotional from my appointment, it just doesn't feel right to blog today.  Go over and give her some love and prayers as she deals with the unthinkable.  I cannot imagine the roller coaster of emotions for someone who is IF, then suffers a miscarriage, and now this- a perfect little boy born just a few weeks too early.  I've been offering up prayers for her and her husband all day today.  Please join me in doing the same.

Quick Takes (41): Organized or Not So Much?

--- 1 ---

I don't know what it is, but I'm an organization junkie wanna-be.  I love to organize.  I love how things look and feel in a home when everything is neatly organized and put in its place.  I always have so many organizing ideas, but I struggle with the follow-though.  If you saw our home, you'd doubt my love of organization.  So I'm sort of stuck between what I would love to be and the reality of what I really am regarding organization.

Anyways, that's a little background information.  Onto Quick Takes...

Organizing my time: I've been thinking a lot lately about how much time I waste each day doing unimportant tasks and how I feel like I never get things done around the house.  Therefore, I'm going to try a weekly schedule for cleaning and tasks that are important to me.  I'm still working on the daily details, but I hope to share it with you soon and get ideas for what works/doesn't work for you.

--- 2 ---

Organizing our spiritual growth as a family: In line with the weekly schedule, I've also been thinking a lot about starting some sort of family Sabbath time.  DH and I are still talking about this one, so it's not quite as far along as the weekly schedule, but we are both getting burned out on work.  It seems like every day I have a to-do list for him and I, and there's not much time left to grow as a family spiritually.  Yes, we attend church on Sundays, but I'm talking about beyond that.  After we get home from church, it's often straight into work mode, NFL football, or something else.  Therefore, we're thinking about a time where we can invest a few hours (hopefully working up to a day...maybe?) in growing our family spiritually.  This probably won't happen on a Sunday given a variety of factors, but we're still talking about what to do.  We're calling it our family sabbath time because it'll be a time for us to rest (no to-do lists), enjoy each other's company, and grow in our faith together with each other.  I'd love suggestions or ideas if you already do something similar!

  

--- 3 ---

Organizing our gift giving: I recently joined a Melissa and Doug co-op in this area.  I'm not sure how I found out about it, but I was able to order almost any product listed on their website for 50% off!  Sweet, huh?  R has a few Melissa and Doug puzzles, and that's our only exposure to M & D, but everyone loves their toys, so the co-op was a good chance for us to stock up on Christmas and bday gifts for the kids in the family and our Godchildren for the next 10 months or so.  Talk about feeling super-organized.  Hardly any gift shopping left to do.  That is sweet.  I've never been that organized before!  I can't wait for the stuff to arrive in a few weeks.

--- 4 ---

Organizing R's sleep schedule: It looks like we are fast approaching the "transition from 2 naps to 1 nap" time period with R.  Goodbye, mostly predictable nap schedule.  Hello, uncertain nap schedule.  Most days it's a fight to get her to take 2 naps, even though she still shows signs of needing two.  I'm uncertain if I should just jump in full speed ahead and make the transition to 1 or continue going back and forth between 1 and 2 each day given what she shows/needs.  All the uncertainty can drive me crazy each day, but I think this is pretty common at this stage.

--- 5 ---

Organizing our food stash:  It's been hard to build up our pantry and freezer supply since we've been here because we never knew when we might be moving from the rental.  Now that we know we're in our home for awhile, it's time to start stocking up on deals.  First off, Zaycon chicken.  I've done this one before, but it was in our previous state.  I'm happy to report Zaycon is in our new state as well.  This is the company where you buy various meats that are free from hormones, additives, and preservatives for a reasonable price (1.84/lb for chicken) but in bulk (40 lbs of chicken).  We're splitting the order with a friend, but are still excited about having 20 lbs of chicken in our freezer soon!  DH has been severely meat-deprived (it's been hard to find good deals), so after the chicken comes he's going to stake out beef deals.

--- 6 ---

Organizing my health: I made a decision on the Napro Dr debate I mentioned in my last email.  I scheduled an appointment with the closer doctor (who knows Napro but isn't up to date on it any more) and will see what I think when I meet her in person.  I like that her new patient appts typically take 1 to 1.25 hours!  That impressed me and the staff said she would be willing to work with me if I still wanted to chart Creighton, the Marquette model (which she focuses on now), or some combo (I did take my BBT while doing Creighton charting).  So we shall see.  The appt. isn't too far away, so I'm already getting a little worried about even going back to a doctor to discuss my health.  Ahh.

--- 7 ---

Not so much organized: So we finally got our claim settled from the moving company that moved us cross-country in January!  How's that for not being organized?  I will put the blame on us for taking awhile to submit our claim and then the moving company for not reading our information carefully and making us send a rebuttal back.  Ugh.  That company (Stevens Van Lines) was awful to work with.  I can assure you we won't be going with them ever again should God decide we need to move.  I don't recall how much I talked about the horrible experience we had with the packers, movers, driver, and contact person, but it was horrid.  So many of our things were damaged because of their poor packing, and we hardly got compensated.  Ugh.  So frustrating, but we did get some compensation and are going to leave it at that. 

And somewhat related to the move but not organizing...the rental home is under contract already!  The homeowners put it up on the market shortly after we moved out and had it under contract within a few days. Someone wants to buy that awful place for the same price we paid for our current home!  I can't believe it.  My jaw nearly dropped when I heard the news (we have a mutual acquaintance that told me).  I'll be anxious to hear what happens after the inspection...

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Getting out of a funk

Lately, I've had a major case of the blahs.  I don't really know when the funk started, but I haven't really liked who I've been lately.  Ever had that happen to you?

It probably all started some time over the summer with the busy-ness of everything, but I don't think I realized it until just recently.  I've been in a major funk and wondered if I might be dealing with some depression, low thyroid, and/or adrenal stress.  I gained 5 pounds over the summer (probably due to poor diet) and am not sleeping as much as I should be (I'm a night owl and R has been waking at 5:30 or 5:45 lately).  We finally got our scale set up, which confirmed what I already knew about my weight since I have very few pants or shorts that fit.  I'm mad that I haven't watched what I've been eating as much, and I haven't been exercising much at all.  I blame it on the heat and humidity (seriously, who wants to exercise when you're sweating before even beginning?), but really it's been my lack of discipline and self-control.

And I've been seriously lacking in the motivation department as well.  We still have tons of boxes to unpack and then all the decorating I want to do to make it our own home.  But I don't have the drive to get it done, and DH isn't naturally motivated to do house projects when he gets home unless I nag/gently remind him.

As a result of it all, I decided it's time to find a new doctor in the area.  I last saw my Napro Dr. in June...as in June 2012.  Yikes!  That's terrible.  Aside from an urgent care trip here and there, I have not been to a doctor in 15 months!  It's time to get back into that routine for my health, but also the health of my family.

For you see, when I'm in a funk, it effects the whole family.  I'm less patient with R, more short-tempered with DH, and I'm just overall not fun to be around.  I do not like that about myself and hate that those closest to me are the ones who suffer most when I'm not doing well.  That needs to change.  I want it to change, especially before R gets any older.

I was excited to find a Napro Dr. super close by, but I've heard mixed reviews on her and how much she actually practices/keeps up with Napro right now.  The next closest one is 3 hours away, and I'm just not sure that distance is realistic for me at the moment. With a toddler that's nursing and still taking 2 naps a day, I can't just leave her behind, and I'm not sure I'm up for a roadtrip and 1st doctor's appt. with her by myself.  So I'm mulling over my options...see the local Dr now to just get in and get a feel for how well I connect with her and her proposed treatment plan or take the plunge and go directly to the up to date Napro Dr (who has a few months wait time for an appt). 

But then even thinking about going back to a Dr starts to freak me out a bit because I'm reminded of our whole journey with Napro...all the tests....the waiting....the blood draws every cycle....and I'm so not ready or interested to go down that road again.  Perhaps (most likely) it's my fear and anxiety.  I'm not ready to TTC for #2 (well technically this would be #4) yet, but at 35 years old, I feel like I should be soon.  I worry about how bad my health is right now given the lack of exercise and poor diet.  Thanks to PCOS, I'm sure my hormones are all over the place. I get anxious thinking about if we'll even be able to have another child.  I'm fearful of a 3rd miscarriage.

And yet I want our family to grow.  I want R to have a sibling (or more).  I've always envisioned our family being at least 4, but never 3.  Who knows...maybe adoption is on our horizon as the means through which God grows our family (my husband wants to foster and/or adopt at some point), but right now my heart is not there.  I long for another child of our own.  Thankfully, God has it all under control in His infinite wisdom; it's just waiting for it to be revealed that is still hard for me.

Just as all the anxiety about choosing a doctor, and tests, and health threatened to overwhelm me, I started a new women's Bible study for the school year.  It was perfect timing for me as exactly what I needed.  Studying God's Word always helps me gain the proper perspective, have hope and peace, and lessen the anxiety I get from worrying.  This is an international Bible study where people around the world all study the same subject and same format with a group in their location.  I have longed to be a part of this Bible study for years (actually since 2001 when I first heard about it living in China...crazy, right?), but I have never lived in an area that had a study group close by....until this year!  I finally got to sign up and we are studying the book of Matthew all year!

Basically, we read a chapter in Matthew a week, answer study questions designed to be done over 6 days, and then get together with a small group to share our answers and hear a lecture on the material.  I joined a day study, which means R comes with me for the children's program portion of it where she has her teachers lead her in a simplified (very simplified) version of what I'm learning along with sing hymns together, pray, etc.  I love that even at such a young age she is hearing the Bible and singing hymns!  Well, she's probably just listening to the singing now, but at the end of the year in May, I imagine she will be singing along.  It is never too young to start training up a child in the faith, in my opinion.  Proverbs 22:6 speaks to the importance of the training of children (I apply this to our Godchildren as well).

The thing that I've really appreciated (and we're only 2 weeks into the study) is that I've had to get back some of my self-discipline that has been lost for awhile.  Most days the homework takes at least 20 minutes of reading and reflecting, and for me to get the most out of the material, I need to do it earlier in the day rather than in the evening.  So it means I get to practice better time management.  This is a good thing for me.  I love that I'm spending time in the Word every day.  I already feel like my spirits are higher and my mood is brighter, even though nothing has changed with my uncertainties, fears, or worries.  But somehow, reading God's Word makes those fears become less and makes me focus on the things that are important (the things that matter for eternity).  He promises that His Word doesn't return empty (Isaiah 55:10) and the Word of God is living and active (Hebrews 4:12).

We have access to a living word!  That is pretty amazing.  I don't know why I let so many things clutter my mind and suck away my time.  I don't know why I place reading God's Word by the wayside.  It took me awhile to figure out what was out of sync in my life, but I'm so glad I figured it out and am back on track with weekly Bible study and daily time in the Word.  So my cure for getting out of a funk?  Time in God's Word.