Character Building: Patience

I'm not sure what possessed me to want to learn to knit, but a new knitting shop opened in town and I saw they were offering classes.  The beginning class was only three weeks with just one project to make- a scarf.  I decided that wouldn't be too hard, and just three classes was a very reasonable amount of time to give.  In keeping with my goals for 2011, I decided to sign-up and do something fun for myself.  Perhaps it would get my mind off of my fertility struggles.

Little did I know it would just serve as a major object lesson for my life.

I was clueless about what I was getting in to.  I should have re-thought my decision when the teacher called to ask what size needles I was using (7, 8, or 9) and if I preferred straight or curved (huh?).  When she told me I needed 220 yards of worsted weight yarn, I had to repeat "worsted" to make sure I had heard her correctly.  I verified that this was the beginning course and shared that I had never knitted or crocheted before.  She said I'd be fine.

I had my first class on Saturday, and if I hadn't paid for the class and my materials out of my own discretionary fund of money, I'm not sure I'd be going back.  We started out with practice yarn and by casting on.  That was relatively easy for me to get the hang of and I was feeling pretty good.  Then we started knitting and purling.

Our pattern was to knit four stitches then purl four stitches.  I could not keep the two stitches straight.  I was constantly getting them confused.  I think if we only would have been doing one, I would have been ok.  Afterall, this was supposed to be the beginning class, right?  I felt like it was beginning level 2.0. 

The class was only 2 hours, but after 2 hours, I still was on the practice yarn.  I hadn't moved on to my project yet, and we're supposed to have 25 inches completed by next week.  I finally was feeling confident enough alternating back and forth with the two different stitches that I did move on to my project, and it was as if suddenly I forgot everything.  I had such a hard time and was getting so frustrated. 

Five hours after the class started (and one hour after the store was supposed to close), I have this- a few measly rows on my keyhole scarf project.

I felt good enough when I left the store that I thought I could continue over the weekend, except when I got home, I made a mistake and don't know how to fix it.  I'm currently stuck and unable to complete any more.  I have an appointment with the teacher tomorrow afternoon, and I hate having to go back with nothing completed over the weekend.

Not only am I learning to knit, I'm learning patience- something I currently lack.  I was so extremely frustrated when I got home on Saturday, and I was supposed to have a nice night with the hubs.  I wanted to drop everything and quit while I was at the class.  I wanted to get up and leave and not come back to complete the remaining 2 classes or the project.  I wanted to pull out my stitches and be done with the project.  I wanted to cry in frustration.

And then I realized, I wasn't just dealing with frustration and impatience in a knitting class; I was dealing with frustration and impatience in my fertility and life.  And even though they are two completely unrelated topics, there are so many similarities.  How I deal with the two is very similar, and a reflection of my character (or lack thereof).  My patience stinks.  I want to cry and yell and scream at God that it isn't fair I've had to wait so long and I still don't have a child.  I want to give up and move on to something else (adoption, maybe?).  I want a baby and I want it now.  I'm not good at patiently waiting for God's timing and His direction.

And to top it all off, our nightly devotion last night that my husband and I do together was entitled- "Showing Patience."  I just had to laugh.  God is clearly speaking to me, reminding me of how much room I have to grow in the area of patience and I don't like having my flaws so clearly exposed.

And so I'm going to persevere.  I'm going to go for extra help tomorrow and attempt to have 25 inches completed by Saturday.  I'm going to continue pushing ahead with the scarf and with my life.  I will complete the scarf no matter how many extra hours I need to put in that I wasn't planning on.  And the completed scarf will be a great visual reminder of the patience I've learned.  Perhaps it will also help me to be more patient as I wait on God's timing to grow our family.