7 days until I see my Napro Dr. and get my progesterone checked.
14 days until my first ultrasound appointment! I caved and called again this morning begging and pleading to get the appointment moved up from Oct. 7th. After the anxiety waves from this weekend, I just decided I wasn't strong enough to wait that long. They wouldn't schedule me before 8 weeks, but since my LMP was August 1st, they would schedule me for Sept. 26th (my dad's birthday). I'm pretty sure I'm only around 5 1/2 weeks today, so I'll only be 7 1/2ish for the ultrasound, which I told them, but they still insist on going by your LMP. Fine with me. I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate until CD17-20, so that works in my favor of getting in earlier.
This means I'm in a 2 week wait. This will probably be the hardest 2WW ever. At least during the 2WWs for my period, I knew most likely my period was coming, so I didn't get my hopes up much. Given my track record and all of the cycles I didn't ovulate, I knew most likely to expect some sort of period at the end of the 2WW. This time, however, I truly don't know what this 2WW holds. I want to believe it will be good. I want to believe God's hand will be all over that ultrasound. I want to trust Him fully. And I realize I still am so not there. After 3+ years of IF and 2 pregnancy losses, I still have so much to learn about trust, patience, and waiting.
I started re-reading a book "Sacred Waiting" as I never finished it the first time I started it. I only read the Introduction last night, but I was reminded of how good the book is. My goal was to have it completed by my first ultrasound, which means I've got to double up the pace now. This is one of my favorite parts. The author is quoting Henri Nouwen, "For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go." David Timms continues, "He's right. But sacred waiting teaches us to embrace the desert and relinquish our own plans."
So I'm trying to embrace my desert and give my plans up to God. As much as I want this pregnancy to be the one, I realize I am not in control of it. So I'll try to embrace these 2 weeks by doing something constructive and see what God has in store after that.
Prayer Buddy, sorry I'm making you work overtime!
14 days until my first ultrasound appointment! I caved and called again this morning begging and pleading to get the appointment moved up from Oct. 7th. After the anxiety waves from this weekend, I just decided I wasn't strong enough to wait that long. They wouldn't schedule me before 8 weeks, but since my LMP was August 1st, they would schedule me for Sept. 26th (my dad's birthday). I'm pretty sure I'm only around 5 1/2 weeks today, so I'll only be 7 1/2ish for the ultrasound, which I told them, but they still insist on going by your LMP. Fine with me. I'm pretty sure I didn't ovulate until CD17-20, so that works in my favor of getting in earlier.
This means I'm in a 2 week wait. This will probably be the hardest 2WW ever. At least during the 2WWs for my period, I knew most likely my period was coming, so I didn't get my hopes up much. Given my track record and all of the cycles I didn't ovulate, I knew most likely to expect some sort of period at the end of the 2WW. This time, however, I truly don't know what this 2WW holds. I want to believe it will be good. I want to believe God's hand will be all over that ultrasound. I want to trust Him fully. And I realize I still am so not there. After 3+ years of IF and 2 pregnancy losses, I still have so much to learn about trust, patience, and waiting.
I started re-reading a book "Sacred Waiting" as I never finished it the first time I started it. I only read the Introduction last night, but I was reminded of how good the book is. My goal was to have it completed by my first ultrasound, which means I've got to double up the pace now. This is one of my favorite parts. The author is quoting Henri Nouwen, "For many people, waiting is an awful desert between where they are and where they want to go." David Timms continues, "He's right. But sacred waiting teaches us to embrace the desert and relinquish our own plans."
So I'm trying to embrace my desert and give my plans up to God. As much as I want this pregnancy to be the one, I realize I am not in control of it. So I'll try to embrace these 2 weeks by doing something constructive and see what God has in store after that.
Prayer Buddy, sorry I'm making you work overtime!
Wow that book sounds great, I think I need to read it!
ReplyDeleteHebrews- I'll let you know how it is. Maybe I can pass my copy along to you if I meet you in MN next month!
ReplyDeleteI saw your comment on my post--yes I am coming! I didn't realize you are in MN too!!! Yaaaaaaay!!! Also you can email me at bloggerhebrews at gmail dot com. :)
ReplyDeleteI think Einstein was right about the relativity thing. 2 weeks sounds like forever for something like this, but other times it can go so fast. Praying that He helps you through each moment, one at a time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the book recommendation. Extra prayers for you as you enter yet another "2WW." I would love to meet you next month in MN if your schedule allows for it!
ReplyDeleteThanks, CM!
ReplyDeletePatiently- yes, I would love to meet. I was planning to meet JBTC, and she was the one that mentioned inviting you and Hebrews as well. I'm coming to town for the dreaded baby shower for my SIL, so I'd like to have something fun to look forward to. Does Oct. 14 or 15 work better for you? You can email me if it's easier. My email is under "contact me" on the right side of my blog.
I heard a lot about this book- I need to check it out! I hope these 14 days fly by for you!!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to take it easy for the next couple do weeks. The waiting will be torture...
ReplyDeletePraying for you during this wait! Gotta check out that book- I am in the longest wait of my life!
ReplyDeleteHi! I just wanted to let you know that my LMP was August 1st as well. Waiting...ugh...even without suffering from recurrent miscarriage I have ALWAYS been the most impatient person I know. UGH.
ReplyDeletePlease be assured of my prayers of understanding for you.